Years ago, parents were advised to be authoritative in dealing with children. Still, with the emergence of different parenting styles, the line between being a parent and being a friend has become less blurred. What is the correct behavior? Should you be friends with your child? In this article, we answer this question and tell the consequences of being too friendly with a child. Stay with us.
The correct form of parent-child relationship
Most experts believe parents should be friendly with their children but still maintain their parental role and adhere to their principles and rules. According to experts, children need restrictions, regulations, and guidance from their parents to grow and live a healthy life, and being too friendly with children prevents them from imposing rules and regulations in various fields.
What are the complications of being friends with children?
Many parents think that if they are friends with their children, parenting will be more accessible, and their children will listen to them more. One of the most important parts of raising a child is setting limits and rules in different fields. A friendly relationship with a child may make parents not set rules for the child and want to be more intimate with him. This may cause problems for parents and children, some of which we have discussed below.
1. Loss of parental authority
One of the side effects of being too friendly with children is the loss of parental authority. Children need parental authority for peace of mind; they need to know that you are always watching over them and in control. Being too friendly with your child makes your protective role fade in their mind, and this causes restlessness and anxiety in children.
Children need parents who, while sincere and friendly, sometimes draw a line for them, say no to their requests, and give them advice. Although sometimes children may get angry or upset due to the existence of boundaries and set rules, in the end, maintaining authority and setting limits while being friendly and intimate will strengthen the relationship between parents and children.
2. Tension in the parent-child relationship
Trying to be too close to your child may sometimes put unnecessary pressure on him, which is not commensurate with his age and understanding. According to research in this field, when single mothers share information such as financial details or negative thoughts about their ex-husband with their daughters, this does not bring them closer to each other and have a more intimate relationship but leads to psychological distress for the girls.
Reasons why you should not be friends with your child
1. It prevents the independence of the child
Anna Freud, Sigmund Freud’s daughter, founded child psychoanalytic psychology. Regarding the friendship between parents and their children, Freud says: “The duty of the parent, especially the mother, is to let her child go free.”
He believes parents should teach their children to fly and live independently like mother birds. He did not consider a healthy bond between parents and children as a bond of friendship but thought it a bond where the mother and father consciously lead their child step by step towards self-sufficiency.
According to Anna Freud, mothers and fathers who aim to raise independent children should not establish close relationships with their children. Still, they should model healthy behaviors by spending time with adult friends. The children raised by these parents are very independent and self-sufficient in the future. These parents see their role as much broader and more important than being friends with their child.
2. It involves children in life problems
We all know mothers and fathers who develop friendships with their children to repair past or present problems. What is the real purpose of having children? Many parents want their child to achieve all their unachieved goals and dreams. However, our children should live according to their wishes and strive to achieve their objectives, not to be ideal versions of us.
Unfortunately, many parents who have a friendly relationship with their children unknowingly inform their children about all the problems in life, and by doing so, they harm the child’s mental health.
3. It increases parents’ unfounded expectations
Many parents who are too friendly with their children ignore their children’s talents and interests and plan unthinkingly for their children. This intensive planning includes music training, private training in foreign languages, soccer, meditation, and yoga classes.
These people put all their energy into creating the perfect resume for their children. Experts have repeatedly warned about the dangers of excessive extracurricular activities. Educators, developmental psychologists, and doctors believe that too much planning for children may cause children’s depression, anxiety, obesity, fatigue, irritability, suicidal thoughts, and reduced creativity.
4. It causes children to become narcissistic in the future
Most parents who are too close to their children constantly praise their achievements. Praise and admiration have sound effects, provided they are adequate. Too much affection for children makes narcissistic people born. These people need constant validation in the future and get frustrated if people don’t compliment them.
How do we create balance in the relationship between parents and children?
No parent likes to feel like a dictator. Of course, you love your children, enjoy being with them, and want to spend time with them. This does not mean you have to give up your role as a parent to achieve these goals. There are ways you can have similar experiences with your child without giving up your parenting responsibilities.
It is essential to establish a friendly relationship with children. Researchers have found that children with close, supportive, and empathetic parents study better and are less involved in fights or side issues. Do you want to know how to establish a sincere and balanced relationship with your child? Of course, when your child is still small, you make all the decisions, but as he grows up, he becomes more independent and autonomous. In this situation, you should act like a coach, guide him, and let him participate in the decisions.
Of course, the age at which you should start backing off depends to a large extent on the maturity and responsibility of the children. Another critical point is that you should not leave him completely free in this situation; the rules and boundaries you set for him will change as the child grows up.
You can also look for opportunities to spend time together doing things you enjoy. Another critical point is that you should not fulfill all your needs for friendly communication with your child; A close relationship with your child should only be a part of your friendships. Strengthening intimate relationships with your friends and spouse is also very important. Set aside time each week to spend time with adults. Doing this will allow you to build quality relationships with others and not become too dependent on your child.
final word
No uniform and definite law exists about the friendly relationship between parents and children. The best approach you can take is to adapt your parenting style to the individual needs of each of your children. It is better to be a good parent instead of a good friend.
How is your relationship with your child? Do you think being friends with a child is beneficial or harmful? Please share your valuable comments and experiences with us and our dear users.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
