As a parent or coach, you may sometimes feel like your child is playing you. In such a case, the child will try to push your feelings to do what he wants by doing deceptive behaviors. You may feel frustrated and angry in this situation, but you can manage the situation better by being aware of this behavior. In this article, we will first discuss the reasons for and signs of a child’s deceptive behavior and then provide ways to deal with it.
Why does my child play me?
From the age of 15 months, children can play with their parents by crying because they know that the parents will come to them by doing this. The child acquires this characteristic when developing the attributes of self-service, social learning, and resilience. Some of the reasons that cause a child to play around are:
- To achieve his wishes.
- Able to subjugate others.
- Be able to gain the support of others.
- Get a reward that he is not able to earn.
- To escape punishment.
- He needs the attention of others, but they will not express it.
- He has done this before and knows that it is fruitful.
Signs of a child playing with you
The signs of a child playing with you are not so obvious. However, some common signs may mean your child is deceptive and trying to play with you. You will read these signs below.
1. Intense emotional reactions
Some children cannot bear to hear. If you don’t fulfill their desire, they get upset and cannot control their emotions. This issue causes strong reactions such as stubbornness, rudeness, and crying. In such situations, parents punish the child or force him to do what he wants.
2. Laughter and lousy temper
A child who screams to get what he wants throws himself on the floor of the toy store, or cries so hard that you finally get what he wants is trying to get what he wants. Such temper tantrums may be common in young children, but if repeated, you should take them seriously to prevent short-term and long-term behavioral problems.
3. Lying
Children usually lie to get what they want or pretend to be wrong in front of others to make their parents look bad. This behavior of children sometimes makes parents fulfill their unreasonable demands.
4. Exploiting the weakness of others
Children can recognize the shortcomings of their parents and others and play with them. For example, the child may know that his father cannot say no to him, so he raises his request with his father.
5. Feigning illness or pain
If the child is supposed to do an activity that he is not interested in or wants to get attention, he will make himself sick. Pretending to be in pain or ill is one of the signs of deceptive behavior in a child.
6. mixing
A child can compare their parents or others to their lives. For example, imagine a child whose parents are divorced. By saying, “When I’m at mom’s house, he respects me and lets me play as much as I want,” he can ruin the parents’ view of each other.
Ways to deal with a child who plays games with you
1. set a goal
All children at certain ages deceive their parents to achieve their desires. If the child continues this behavior, setting specific goals for them is better. For example, tell the child to wait seven days and then express his request.
2. Make a plan
Make an action plan or a specific program for the child to act according to the plan when he requests you. This program should align with the goal we stated in the previous section. In the program, include healthy behaviors that the child will follow. Be creative in developing the program and consider the interests of the child.
Also, include things in the schedule that are easy for the child and you to do. Finally, stick the program on the wall or refrigerator so that it is in front of the eyes and constantly remind the child to follow it to express his request.
An example of the mentioned program:
- After your request, be silent for at least 60 seconds.
- If you don’t get an answer, express your request again after 60 seconds.
- Tell us why we should comply with your request.
- Listen to the reasons of others.
3. Be a good role model for your child
We humans shape our behavior by observing and examining others. This process is also called social learning. Their parents usually influence children’s behavior. Parents, as role models for their children, can role-play in front of the child that they have a request from each other and must be patient to express their request.
You can also show the child a movie or tell a story that has a message about deceptive behavior and shows that being dominant and cunning is not good behavior. Note that the characters of these movies and stories should not be such that the child attributes them to himself and thinks you are indirectly blaming him.
4. Communicate more with the child
Switch places with the child as a form of entertainment. For example, let the child play the role of the parent, and you play the role of the child. This game creates a closer bond between the child and the parents.
Try to do various activities with your child. For example, you can write stories, meditate, dance, or paint with him. Note that your words and behavior during these activities are essential and affect the child’s behavior in the long run.
5. Distract the child
By distracting young children, you can curb their deceptive behavior. For example, a colorful picture of an animal or his favorite cartoon character, soothing music, and bird sounds distract the child from what he wants. You can also distract the child by petting and touching him. Shake her hands while making eye contact, stroke the back of her hands with your thumb, or massage her body with a warm cloth. You can also increase their effect by combining factors that distract the child.
6. Reward the child
If you reward your child when he shows good behavior or curb his deceptive behavior, you will improve the child’s behavior. Rewards should be predictable, and the child should be aware of them to have more motivation for patience and self-control. You can consider rewards so that, for example, if a child does not misbehave for four days, he can watch cartoons for one more hour on Friday.
7. Provide an opportunity for the child to vent his excitement
Every person needs to vent their emotions in life; children are no exception to this rule. When the inner feelings are piled up, they may spill out in the wrong place and hurt the people around them. Some of the things you can do to help your child express his feelings include:
- Play a game with your child in which you take turns naming something that bothers you or describing a memory that upsets you.
- Ask open-ended questions to force the child to share more than usual. Please list such questions and ask them daily whenever the child is calm.
8. Teach the child to write his feelings on paper
Journaling means writing down every feeling and thought you have, both good and bad. This helps a child’s mental health a lot. Ask the child to make a colorful notebook and write down his daily life, including sounds and bad things. To get started, you can use the following headings for a child’s notebook to complete:
- Three compliments that were given to me today;
- Someone who always supports me;
- Two people who always help me.
9. Help the child to control his stress
Stress and anxiety in children may cause anger or misbehavior. Your child may also show deceptive behavior under the influence of stress and play with you. To prevent this from happening, try to keep the atmosphere of the house calm.
10. Involve the child in daily family activities
For example, involve the child in setting the weekly meal plan. Be sure to set aside time for healthy family activities. Such cooperation deepens your bond with the child.
final word
From birth, humans recognize and learn the behaviors that lead them to what they want. These deceptive behaviors in children cause discomfort and annoyance to parents and people around them. With the mentioned solutions, such behaviors can be reduced in the child over time.
What kind of deceptive behavior does your child have? What countermeasures have you considered for such behavior?
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes;d to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
