The fight between father and son is a historical story that can be seen both in literature and historical books and in all the houses that have sons! More interestingly, when men become the fathers of sons, they understand their fathers more than before and probably experience similar differences with their sons. If disagreements are not resolved properly, they lead to anger between father and son and may have irreparable effects on their relationship and the son’s future. In this article, we examine the relationship between father and son and the cause of their differences and provide solutions to improve this relationship.
The importance of a healthy father-son relationship
Expressing feelings is difficult for some men. Sons are thirsty for their fathers’ love, and fathers also need their children’s love. This feeling is suppressed in many families, and fathers and sons deny the need for this love. The love and affection that the son does not receive from the father turns into internal and hidden repression and hurts him more than obvious psychological traumas. An unhealthy relationship between father and son has a significant impact on the child’s future and causes problems in his emotional, work, and parenting life. Adult men need psychotherapy to compensate for the deficiencies and to treat childhood psychological traumas caused by improper communication with their fathers.
The father-son relationship’s health directly impacts the child’s future and his father’s role in the future. Even the best fathers hurt their children unintentionally, and this is normal. They may even receive various trainings to prepare for fatherhood, but they still cannot help but disagree with their child. Identifying your mistakes, improving your relationship with your child, and looking for solutions to compensate for the damage are essential. Sometimes, fathers and sons heal when the other son is a grown man and can talk to his father about past hurts.
What is the reason for the father and son fighting?
When a boy is born and grows up, the father sees his youth in his son and looks for the best way to raise him. Therefore, he tries to guide the child in the right direction and show him the way and the well so that his child does not repeat his past mistakes. On the other hand, the boy is inexperienced; he wants to be independent, to experience life the way he wants, and to make his own decisions. Therefore, he does not listen to his father’s words and thinks that his father has traditional ideas or cannot understand him. As a result, father and son fight.
The two main reasons for father-son differences are:
- The gap between generations: the son believes his father is traditional and does not understand him. The father also thinks that the new generation is ignorant and that his son is doing childish things and should listen to his words for a successful life. Sometimes, even some of the son’s decisions are against the father’s beliefs and boundaries, so he tries to prevent him and has a conflict with his son.
- Independence: after reaching the age of puberty, the boy seeks autonomy and wants to make his life path. The son’s independence undermines the father’s authority, and the differences between the two intensify.
Fathers and sons imagine arguing and disagreeing because of their differences, but most of those who observe their arguments believe that fathers and sons are more alike than they think.
How do we resolve the father-son dispute?
When a son becomes a father, he understands his father and may even give him the right. After becoming a father, men learn the responsibilities and challenges of raising a child, and that’s when they understand the main reason for their father’s behavior. Of course, having a child-to-toe dispute between father and son is unnecessary!
The first thing you should know is that there are no fathers and children in the world who do not have differences of opinion. When they disagree with their father, all men promise themselves not to have what they experienced in their father-son relationship. Still, when they become fathers, they believe that disagreements are inevitable and even they harm their children! Pay attention to the father’s role in raising a child and fulfill your duties towards your child, despite the differences of opinion.
To resolve the dispute between father and son, each party must admit that they have made mistakes in this relationship. Then, they must agree to talk about their past and feelings, accept them, and heal the wounds. If a family psychologist manages the meeting between father and son, it will be more productive.
Of course, sometimes fathers may continue their work. Some fathers believe ey have not harmed their children and provided everything they need. When their son talks about past traumas, they become defensive and may even say that their child is exaggerating about the past. In such a situation, the child must take steps to heal his inner wounds and compensate for his childhood injuries with the help of psychotherapy. Such people may sometimes say in psychotherapy sessions, “I hate my father !”
Suggestions for fathers with sons
If you are the father of a boy and you are reading this article, it means that you value the relationship with your child, and despite the differences, you are looking for a way to improve the relationship with your child. Below are some simple and practical suggestions for you.
- Criticize more gently and express your opinions without controversy.
- Even if you are arguing with your child, don’t label him “stupid” or “stupid.” These labels will remain in your child’s mind forever, and he may even apply the same labels to himself as an adult.
- When both of you are angry, postpone the conversation for another time. Because when you are angry, each of you only tries to put his own words in the chair and ignores what the other party is saying.
- Your child needs your approval and encouragement, so don’t withhold it.
- Evaluate your child’s opinion. Sometimes, when their child gives an opinion, fathers suppress and oppose him. The reason is that they think that their son has undermined their authority in the house, and by opposing, they can take back the lost authority. Consider that sometimes your son is correct, and you are wrong.
- During the day or week, set aside times for father-son activities and put aside disagreements. For example, you can go to the gym together or even watch a comedy movie. These works do not argue, and they only strengthen your father-son relationship.
- Mother is a mediator in the fight between father and son. He looks at your relationship from the outside and probably has constructive solutions for both of you. So when your wife talks about your father-son relationship, listen to her with an open mind and seek her advice.
final word
The love between father and son is one of the strangest ways of loving. Many times, the boy thinks that his father does not love him because he constantly argues with him, and the relationship between them is always bitter, but the father only argues with him because of the love he has for his son and for his way, tries to guide him to the right path. There are normal father, and son fights in every home, but if the intensity of these arguments in your home is high or they lead to anger between father and son for a long time, it is better to seek help from a family psychologist. The family counselor teaches fathers and sons how to improve their relationship and express their opinions without controversy, even if they have disagreements.
If you also have an experience with a father-son fight and have managed to resolve your differences, share your experiences with us in the comments section.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes;d to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
