Have you ever felt that you are not a good parent to your child? Do you feel guilty about leaving your child and going to work? Do you look at those you think are better parents and wish you were like them? This feeling that you sometimes get involved in is called parental guilt. This article examines the causes of this type of guilt and the solutions to deal with it. Stay with us.
What is parental guilt?
“Parental guilt occurs when a person is caught between their responsibilities as a parent and something else, such as work or personal interests,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanov, a clinical psychologist, and professor at Yeshiva University.
In this situation, there is a constant tension between the roles; When parents are working, they feel guilty for not spending time with their children, and when they spend time with their children, they feel guilty for neglecting work.
Characteristics of parental guilt
According to Dr. Romanov, some of the characteristics of parental guilt are:
- You feel like you’re always doing something wrong.
- You always have a long list of things to do, but usually, you can only do a few.
- You cannot enjoy spending time with your child.
- The stress of unfinished business is always with you.
- You never have time for yourself.
- Do you have anxiety or feel depressed?
- You have sleep disorders or eating disorders.
- You always feel tired and stressed.
- Your relationships with colleagues and friends have faded.
Parental guilt can make you feel like a failure at work and home.
According to Dr. Romanov, anyone can experience parental guilt, but these groups are more prone to it:
- New parents: People with children for the first time are usually more prone to this type of guilt.
- Single parents: these people have to cope with raising children alone and simultaneously go to work. The pressure on these people from both sides makes them feel more guilty.
- Parents with fewer financial resources: Parents with fewer financial resources usually work long hours or have multiple jobs to support their children financially. However, they feel guilty for not being with their child when working.
Causes of parental guilt
According to Dr. Romanov, parental guilt may be caused by internal and external pressures.
1. Internal pressures
Most parents usually have unrealistic expectations of themselves. Parenting is a full-time job in itself. Being a parent is a big responsibility, especially if you go to work at the same time. The pressures that result from unrealistic expectations of yourself are one of the factors that make parents feel guilty.
2. External pressures
There is usually a lot of external pressure on parents who have just had a baby. However, many parents consider these standards unrealistic and unattainable. This pressure is combined with the force applied by the employer and leads to this kind of guilt.
The influence of parental guilt
The impact of parental guilt varies depending on how it is managed. For example:
- Compensation in other ways: Usually, parents who feel guilty compensate for this feeling and lack of presence with their children by giving physical or financial compensation and calming themselves. I’m afraid that’s not right because sometimes it puts more pressure on the person.
- The feeling of failure in life: Some parents who experience this type of guilt feel they have failed and think they can no longer do the tasks they used to handle easily.
Dealing with parental guilt
Dr. Romanoff suggests strategies that you may be able to use to deal with parental guilt:
- Identify triggers. Notice the thoughts that make you judge yourself or feel guilty. Identifying your guilt triggers will help you gain more control over them.
- Reframe your thoughts. If you notice unhelpful thoughts that make you feel guilty, try to correct them positively and consciously. For example, instead of feeling guilty while working, tell yourself, “I’m working to support my child.”
- Check and readjust your expectations. You may be unable to do certain things due to time and energy limitations. Setting expectations and accepting limits will make you feel less guilty.
- Focus on being in the moment. When you spend time with your child, fully enjoy the moment and its charms, and focus on doing your job correctly when you are at work.
- Create a support group for yourself. Instead of isolating yourself from others, connect with a group of trusted friends and family members and ask them for help whenever you need it.
- Do not compare yourself with anyone. Comparing yourself to other parents is pointless. Instead of comparing yourself to others, connect with parents in the same situation as you and use their experiences.
- Take a rest. Try to give yourself a break once in a while and recharge yourself.
- Practice self-care. Be kind to yourself and make self-care a priority.
- Seek professional help. If you can’t deal with parental guilt and often feel guilty, hopeless, depressed, and anxious, see a therapist to balance your life by managing your thinking.
final word
From now on, whenever you feel guilty as a parent, remind yourself that you are working hard to provide for your child. Don’t forget that parents don’t have a set standard of perfection, and you’ve always strived to be the best version of yourself.
you say
Have you also experienced parental guilt? What solution have you used to deal with this situation? Please share your valuable comments and experiences with our dear users and us.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
