That love closes one’s eyes to the other party’s faults is not a correct interpretation. We see the flaws, but we miraculously believe that we have the power to change our romantic partners and eventually fix their flaws! An impossible dream that may never come true! This article will discuss how reasonable it is to try changing a spouse and which characteristics will never change.
Some traits that never change!
Any difference is not worth trying to change. Some traits never change except at the cost of your youth and all your focus and energy. If you see these things in your partner, reconsider trying to save your relationship:
1. It does not prioritize you
If a man or woman doesn’t prioritize you today, you won’t be their priority tomorrow and the day after tomorrow too! If the importance of his work, family, friends, and even his hobbies is more important to him than yours, be sure that this issue will not be resolved with shouting, nor with the passing of time and the passing of several years of living together! This behavior is highly annoying, especially for someone who puts his wife first in any situation.
2. His behavior is offensive
Mental and physical abuse leaves no room for justification. If you suffer physical and psychological damage from living with your spouse, know that you are not to blame and do not have the duty to solve this problem alone. But it is your responsibility to ensure your safety. Know that these behaviors originate from insecurities within the person and cannot be improved except with mental health counseling sessions. Talk to someone you trust about these conditions and ways to protect yourself.
3. His personality is inherently different from yours
Two opposite poles attract each other and cover each other’s weaknesses. Accept! But dealing with someone who hates your favorite hobbies and enjoys activities you are not interested in is hard! Imagine if one wants to spend the weekend at crowded family parties and the other prefers solitude! One should love climbing on Friday morning, and the other should not trade sleep on the day off for anything! These differences are rooted in the personality of both parties and cause trouble in the long run without any of the parties being guilty. Remember that personality traits such as introversion and extroversion do not change easily.
How to deal with our spouse’s differences?
Having a good relationship requires the compatibility of the personality of both parties. Although annoying habits, interests, and behaviors create friction in a shared life, there is always hope for good and honest communication. Don’t forget that no one is perfect, and your wife wants to change things in you. It is essential to be able to deal with these differences.
1. Go into battle wisely
No matter how good your spouse is, there is always a habit that annoys you. Learn not to make a mountain out of straw and leave the battle for more critical issues. No relationship is entirely free of conflict; how you deal with these differences creates the main problem.
Did you know that unsolvable problems cause most relationship issues? These concerns are rooted in the personality and temperament of both parties, and if maintaining the relationship is essential to you, you can learn to live with them. Excessive criticism and constant blaming of the partner for these minor issues provide the basis for more significant problems and even emotional divorce.
Coping doesn’t mean ignoring your desires. For example, suppose it bothers you to leave the cabinet door or wet the toilet slipper. In that case, there is nothing wrong if you remind your spouse every time and prevent future problems with this reminder, as long as the other person’s behavior in the face of these requests is not offensive. Practice setting boundaries and firmly state that certain behaviors are unacceptable.
2. Review your criteria
How well do you know yourself? Have you reviewed your attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, expectations, concerns, triggers, and fears? Can you live with this person if nothing changes and things stay the same? If you can’t answer this question and feel helpless, talking to a family counselor will open up many issues in your mind.
3. Be patient and understand
If you’re patient by nature, know that the best way to deal with someone who doesn’t want to change is to be patient and understanding. Instead of insisting that your expectations are right and the other party’s behavior is wrong, ensure your partner feels love and respect even when criticizing.
Of course, this patient should not cause you to ignore your wishes. Ask yourself if there is an annoying behavior that has continued just because you haven’t talked about it yet. Remember that your spouse cannot read your mind. Naturally, until you open your mouth, he will not understand what is bothering you.
4. Respect each other’s values
Differences in values are always problematic. If you always disagree about important ideological issues, as long as you can talk in a friendly and respectful way, you won’t get into trouble; But as soon as these conversations go out of the framework of respect and you want to change each other’s opinion, the relationship alarm sounds. If you have entered a joint life without considering this big difference, try not to have anything to do with your partner’s opposing opinions until the end!
5. Accept some of the differences
One of the best tricks to cope with the differences of the other party is to focus on the positive points of his personality. Do you remember why you fell in love with him? What good features did it have that attracted you? Focus on these things, and instead of arguing, ask with interest why he does certain things differently. Listen eagerly to his answer. This conversation and listening help to accept differences better.
Of course, this acceptance is only for minor differences. We are not talking about emotional abuse and betrayal!
6. Try counseling sessions
Couples counseling sessions are the best solution when none of the above works and your brain doesn’t stop trying to change the other person. In these sessions, you will learn that maintaining relationships is never easy, but you and your partner can overcome these difficulties and move towards better things.
last word
Trying to change your spouse is not a good start for a romantic relationship. Please take responsibility for communicating with your partner and talk about each other’s differences and faults as much as possible, so they don’t become problems. Remember that focusing on these flaws without trying to solve them and leaving the relationship to itself will provide the basis for arguments, resentment, and mistrust in the future.
How much do you think it is right to try to change your wife? What experience do you have in this field? We look forward to hearing your valuable comments.
