Do you remember the last time you experienced sexual excitement and tension? If your answer is no, chances are you’re dealing with sexual repression (and don’t even know it!). Retraction of sexual desires, which originates from family upbringing, religious teachings, views of people around, and social pressure, causes disinterest in sexual relations.
Definition of sexual repression
The taboo of immoral sex is not a matter of today and yesterday. We have all learned and been taught throughout our lives that sexual intercourse is a shameful act to be avoided and talked about little, while sexual desire is as natural and pleasurable as the air we breathe, the food we eat, and the water we drink. And it is vital!
Freud was one of the first leaders of this line of thought. For the first time, he talked about the influence of the type of attitude towards sex on human actions and revealed the hidden connection between sexual repression and the sick human mind. We now know that sexual repression is associated with negative thoughts about intercourse. A person who suffers from sexual desire suppression considers the act of sex and everything related to it wrong, can never express his sexual needs and avoids talking about them!
This attitude may be caused by the sexual education of parents, relatives, and even society, who teach the child “right” and “wrong” from a young age with verbal signs and behavioral modeling. Of course, sometimes its root is traumatic sexual injuries such as abuse and sexual assault.
Reasons for sexual repression
1. The type of society dealing with the category of sex
Some societies still consider sex as a complex and unbreakable taboo and condemn it. On the other hand, changes during puberty stimulate a person’s curiosity to the point where he asks questions about this change in feelings and looks for answers. Now, suppose the people around and society still have a negative view of the category of sex. In that case, this negative view will gradually spread to the individual, and its continuation will become the basis for sexual repression.
2. Past traumatic experiences
For those who suffer from various sexual trauma, their healthy sense of sex is completely lost, and they have a negative view of sexual intercourse or any other form of physical intimacy. This negative view is a high defensive wall that a person builds around himself to prevent further damage.
3. Lack of awareness and misinformation
Suppression of sexual desire is not always caused by attracting negative thoughts! Sometimes the half-assed and incorrect information we hear about sex makes it strange and unpleasant, and even disgusting.
4. Defining the gender roles of men and women
Sexual orientation plays a very prominent role in suppressing people’s sexual needs, especially in societies where the definition of male and female gender roles has suppressed the diversity of sexual orientation. People learn in childhood that only men and women can have sexual relations with each other. Therefore, if a person feels that his sexual orientation is outside the circle of male and female communication, he is forced to suppress his feelings not to be rejected by society.
Signs of sexual repression
- Feeling uncomfortable with sex: The first sign of sexual desire suppression is feeling uncomfortable with this category. Whenever it comes to sex, the person is unable to keep his cool and feels anxious for no apparent reason.
- Guilt or shame about sex: Repressing sex destroys the joy and pleasure in the relationship and replaces it with sadness. For many people, giving in to their desires is a shame.
- Not enjoying sex: How can you deny something and enjoy it at the same time? Instead of enjoying sex, these people tolerate it. As a result, dissatisfaction and unhealthy sexual relations are created.
- Restlessness and physical discomfort: If the sexual energy is not released, it puts pressure on the body and makes it restless. Most of these people have neck, shoulder, and hip pain.
- Insomnia and erotic dreams: Sometimes, the burden of sexual need on a person’s shoulders causes insomnia or erotic fantasies. The body is trying to tell the brain its need and sexual potential.
- Resistance to getting naked: Those who suffer from sexual repression cannot tolerate their spouse or doctor looking at their naked body because they consider nudity immoral and unpleasant.
Consequences of sexual repression
1. Disinterest in having sex
Paying attention to the spouse’s attractiveness is always pleasurable. It stimulates sexual fantasies, but the person suffering from sexual repression feels no emotion other than shame: ashamed that his body has accepted sexual stimulation and his mind has become involved in sexual thoughts. These people usually avoid having sex and face challenges in their romantic relationships.
2. Pain during sex
Regardless of how relaxed or comfortable both parties are during intercourse, the suppression alone increases the fear and tension of the relationship and causes pain. Most women suffering from this condition also struggle with vaginismus (impossible penetration – involuntary contraction of the vagina during sexual contact).
3. Inability to have sex
In the ideal state, sexual contact is a loving act between two passionate partners. However, if guilt and shame caused by repression open up to this romantic solitude, a person in his most intimate moments feels ashamed of committing a mistake and loses the power to act. Gives.
4. Moral dilemmas
Sexual suppression makes a person think that his sexual desires will not destroy his soul’s inherent sanctity and purity! As a result, whenever he faces his sexual wants and needs, he immediately thinks about his moral position and suffers from confusion.
5. Hiding sexual orientation
In societies with no place for diversity of sexual orientation, many transgender and non-binary people hide their identity and sexual desires to avoid being rejected by society. Although many of them consider the variety of sexual desires expected, they do not have the strength to put aside this feeling of guilt and fear and prefer to hide their need.
6. Inability to express wishes
Shame about sexual thoughts takes away the power to express desires. Therefore, despite the heart’s interest and the lack of confrontation, a person cannot allow himself to enjoy sex! Consequently, he remains silent and does not raise his demands.
7. Negative treatment of others
Suppose the suppression of sexual urges begins at an early age. In that case, a person learns to have a negative view of those who express their sexuality freely. They may resent their spouse for bringing up a sexual fantasy or have a sincerely negative idea of LGBTQIA groups.
Management of sexual suppression
1. Identifying signs of sexual repression
The first step to managing sexual suppression is to identify the symptoms of sexual suppression. When a person recognizes all the signs, knows how this condition manifests, and accepts that his ancestors did not have the correct belief about sex and inherited his negative attitude from them, he has taken the first step to managing sexual suppression.
2. Ask for help from your partner
Keep the conversation open and tell your spouse about your wishes. Tell me why you have been hiding your need until today and need help to solve this problem. Ask him to read about sexual suppression and its treatment steps and be with you on this path.
3. Counseling and couples therapy
Suppose a person cannot independently identify the triggers of suppression and encouraging factors. In that case, expert therapists help men and women identify suppressed feelings and talk more easily about their desires in counseling sessions. Sex therapy under the supervision of an expert counselor is the solution to many sexual problems.
Breaking the chain of sexual repression
Parents who pass on wrong and harmful ideas about sexuality to the next generation do not intend to harm; they share beliefs handed down from the previous generation. Therefore, if you plan to add a human to this world, search for the roots of sexual suppression in yourself and your partner and know how to promote healthy ideas of sexuality. You can:
- Talk to your child about healthy sex at the right age ;
- inform him about the types of sexual desires with the help of media;
- Teach him what romantic and healthy sex looks like;
- Start training at an early age.
last word
Pleasure is the first principle of sexual intercourse. When repressive beliefs change a person’s attitude to sexual behavior and deprive him of this pleasure, he should seek help! Self-reflection, sex therapy sessions, and focusing on breaking old taboos can provide the basis for creating a healthier sexual attitude and better sexual behavior.
What do you think about this? What other ways do you know to deal with sexual oppression? Please share your opinion with us.
