It happens to all of us that we want to comfort a suicidal person and dissuade him from his decision. Every word that comes out of our mouths can bring these people one step closer to suicide or away from it. If you don’t know the dos and don’ts of talking to these people, stay with us until the end of this article.
What not to say to a person prone to suicide?
We all want to dissuade our friends and loved ones from the horrible decision of suicide. But sometimes, a wrong choice and inappropriate expression make the situation more critical than before, Without knowing what destructive effect our words have had on the psyche of the injured person. Some of these wrong sentences are:
1. “It’s not that bad.”
When we hear the name of suicide, many of us unconsciously wear glasses of optimism; we try to see the positive aspects of life and instill this positivity in the person. Especially if that person is dear and important. Our intentions are good, but what happens in practice? The other person feels we are ignoring, belittling, and invalidating their pain. As a result, he feels more alone and hopeless than before.
2. “It’s worse than you.”
Until today, no one has gotten better after hearing this sentence! Unfortunately, this unfavorable comparison is the first solution that comes to the mind of many of us. At the same time, it has no result other than strengthening the feeling of shame and guilt. Whenever you want to open your mouth to compare and let the person know that “there is worse than you,” remember that the unluckiness of others does not help this person at all.
3. “How sensitive and quick-tempered!”
Suicide is a serious decision and should be taken seriously. If someone tells you about their feelings of depression and despair, don’t ignore them. With labels like “sensitive” and “quick,” you only invalidate the person’s feelings and make yourself unreliable. Do not forget that you are not in the other person’s place and do not know the depth of his problems.
4. “Are you trying to get attention?”
This sentence has the color of judgment! When someone reveals their thoughts to you, you trust them enough to open their wounds and be vulnerable in front of you. By saying this sentence, you have reduced the seriousness of the problem, destroyed the person’s trust in yourself, and caused the person to become more isolated. Be careful not to increase motivation and desire to commit suicide with this simple word!
5. “It’s not right either.”
By saying such sentences and erasing the problem, you are trying to shame the person from thinking about suicide. But the problem is that even if you succeed, this sense of shame not only does not erase the thought of suicide from the mind but also provides the basis for feeling guilty, which triggers suicidal thoughts.
6. “This is the ultimate selfishness.”
Incidentally, suicidal thoughts are the result of low self-esteem. A person reaches a point where he worries about being a burden and sees the world as a better place without him. A selfish person who cares about his interests more than anything else does not take the chance of life so easily. By saying this, you only show that you do not understand the other person’s situation correctly.
7. “make a change.”
Offering solutions like “exercise,” “change your card,” “have more fun,” and the like are our desperate attempts to ease the other person’s pain. If a friend or a loved one tries suicide, they have been struggling with this thought for a long time and have probably tried different strategies to deal with it. In this situation, the solution-oriented attitude makes us close our eyes to the existing obstacles and see impossible tasks as possible and challenging tasks as easy. This view reinforces the feeling of inferiority and hopelessness in the person.
8. “You make everyone sad by committing suicide.”
Of course, everyone is sad; But is this reason enough for the other person? Not at all! With this sentence, you have only multiplied the feeling of guilt and shame. Remember that this conversation is not about how you and the people around you feel; it is only essential to relieving the other person’s destructive thoughts.
9. “Think of what you have”
Optimism is practical to some extent in changing negative thoughts. But not when a person is struggling with depression! Remembering what you have at this stage is more than helping the person’s current situation; it causes torment of conscience and deepens the feeling of guilt.
What should we say to a suicidal person?
These few questions will clarify the seriousness of this decision and the level of risk:
- How long have you been struggling with these thoughts?
- What are your plans for suicide?
- Do you have the tools to hurt yourself?
If you hear an alarm nearby, use the following comforting phrases instead of forbidden phrases:
1. “you are not alone.”
The first feeling we should get from a suicidal person is the feeling of loneliness. We must make him understand that the thought of suicide does not make him a weak and selfish being, and we will not leave him alone under any circumstances, whatever his feelings. This sentence opens the doors of communication with the injured person.
2. “I’m glad you told me.”
This is another way to express sympathy and companionship. With just a few words, you will let the other person know that you do not judge their decision and are ready to help them. Even if you don’t do anything, being and listening to them will remove the awful feeling of loneliness.
3. “Tell me how you feel.”
Encourage him to talk about his thoughts and desires. Talking, being heard, and communicating let people know their inner feelings better. Perhaps, during these conversations, he will conclude that the weight of this decision was not so much contrary to his imagination!
You can also use the following sentences in conversation with these people.
- It seems that you are going through a difficult situation;
- I’m sure we can get through this together;
- Your feelings are entirely logical and understandable;
- you understand
- I am here because it is important to me.
How to help these people?
The number of suicides and people who think about it is increasing worldwide. Maybe if each of us knew how to help these people, we would at least dissuade our friends and loved ones from this unfortunate decision. Try these few solutions to help:
1. Bring hope to live in a person’s heart
He is giving hope, not in how you remind him of what he has and say that he appreciates them! Instead, it would be best if you told him that he is more potent than his problems and can overcome this stage. Experience shows that evidence-based treatment is much easier for these people than psychotherapy and counseling sessions. If someone is not ready to contact a specialist, suggest alternative ways, such as online counseling.
2. Be supportive
A depressed and lonely person needs a supporter and companion. Accompany him in counseling sessions, keep him busy, and increase the opportunity to communicate in any way you can.
3. Take the suicide tools away from him
One of the driving factors of suicidal thoughts is access to tools for this work, Even if they are decorative and collectible! Therefore, one of your most significant contributions can be to keep suicide tools away from these people.
If you understand that he wants to commit suicide with sleeping pills, throw away the medicine, or remove it from the house if he mentions a weapon.
4. Help him find a cure
Seek out resources and connect with qualified professionals. Your friend may need a treatment team, including a psychotherapist specializing in suicide, a psychiatrist, a support team, and more.
5. Seek help yourself
If you see the danger close, you are worried and believe that the person’s safety is in danger, act as soon as possible and seek help. You may have to deal with the other person’s anger and discouragement at first, But be sure that this temporary anger is much better than saying goodbye to your loved ones forever.
last word
Anyone can think about suicide during their lifetime under stress from mental health conditions, chronic physical illness, grief from loss, addiction, or loneliness. In the face of these people, our words are our magic stick.
Review all the words you should and shouldn’t say, and if you see that you can’t do anything, show your companionship and empathy instead of criticizing and judging. Sometimes your listening and open heart can save the other person’s life.
Share with us in the comments section if you know another way to help these people.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
