Raising a male child seems to be a challenging task. How should we raise our children so they aren’t caught in gender stereotypes? What points should we consider? In this article, we will first listen to the conversation of a parent who is also concerned about raising his son, and then we will talk about raising a boy in different age groups. Stay with us.
The importance of raising a male child and dealing with stereotypes
My little boy leads a boy band. I just found this out when we went to watch a horse race. My son had placed a bet on one of the horses at the family gathering. The horse was in the lead at first but gradually fell behind the other horses, and as this horse fell behind, the color jumped from my son, who anxiously followed the race.
Finally, a female rider won the race, and analysts said it was the first time a woman had won a national equestrian competition. Suddenly my little son started crying. He was upset that a girl had won, and I wondered why my son had such thoughts and where they came from. These false stereotypes keep little boys and girls apart from the start.
My 4-year-old son is a loving and curious child who loves his older sister very much but seems to have the same conflicts with his sister. My son and millions of other boys have a bumpy road ahead of them to get through puberty and into adulthood, and we, parents, need to help them navigate this path well.
We are not the first generation that wants to raise different boys; in the past generations, many fathers and mothers have sought to expand their sons better and eliminate false stereotypes. The difference between us and previous generations is probably that now more men have accepted that they must rethink many of their life patterns.
Researchers’ opinion about raising a male child
On the disappointing night of the horse race, when I was about to put my son to sleep, I tried to comfort him and told him, ” Success is not only for men, and men and women strive to achieve success.” “The winner of the race was indeed a woman, but her horse was a male.” My son liked what I said; he calmed down and fell asleep. I decided to get help from Google and other parents in this field.
I typed my questions:
- How to raise a better son?
- What should we say to a boy instead of saying silly things about stallions?
- How to be better parents for a son?
In response to my questions, Google suggested many articles, research, and podcasts; I watched a video of a speech by Chimamanda Adichie, a Nigerian writer, and feminist. Adichie said it is time to make a feminist world out of young men.
Sonora Jaha’s opinion about parenting style
With a few more curious clicks, I reached the book of an author named Sonora Jha, a writer, and researcher. The name of her book was: “How to Raise a feminist child?” After reading a few chapters of the book, I emailed him and asked, “How do I raise my son?” Sonora answered my email, and then we talked on the phone. “First of all, I’m glad you got my help because I believe it’s time for a change,” he said. “Traditional masculinity is no longer effective and has lost its effectiveness not only for women but also for men.”
Like Adichie, Sonora believed boys should be brought up in a feminist system. Sonora is a single mother who raised her son alone. In the middle of her talk, she said: “In all the time I was raising my son, I may have used the word feminism three times. I mean, I haven’t repeated the principles of feminism to her every morning. Instead, I put aside stereotyped behaviors in dealing with him. I let my son cry and never told him he didn’t cry! I talked to her about the discrimination and problems facing girls, and in general, I treated her in such a way that she automatically became a feminist.”
According to Sonora, an empathetic and fair social agreement will be better for both girls and boys. What faster path than introducing feminist principles to the minds of boys?
Sonora said I should change how I communicate with my son and try a new way. She said I should have taken advantage of my son’s discomfort at the horse race and engaged him in a different conversation. For example, he said, if I were you, I would say something like this to my son: “I’m sorry your horse didn’t win the race, but now the winning rider’s family is very happy for him, and the men who lost this race will probably try harder from now on.” We should be happy for that woman’s victory and effort. In this way, we are part of his victory.”
Sonora says dialogue is essential for raising awake and alert boys.
Ojo Asuka’s Opinion on parenting style
Ojo Asika, the author of a parenting blog and mother of 2 teenage sons, says she has used every tool, including video games, soccer matches, and various cultural activities, to motivate her children to think about things.
“For example, when my oldest son is playing video games with his friends, I listen to them and see how much they swear while playing,” he says. You may think the best thing to do in this situation is to criticize your child or ask him to correct his speech, but this is a learning process for me. In this situation, I might ask my son, “Why did you say these ugly words?” Do you know what they mean?” “I try to challenge my child’s perspective, but at the same time accept that it’s all part of his experience.”
“I have to admit that this path is not smooth. It means the situation is not such that you can quickly solve everything in one or more conversations. You should always keep in the corner of your mind that children have a limited attention span, and you should not enter into lecture mode when interacting with them.
The opinion of one of the users named, Malina Darban
Continuing my research, I asked users in cyberspace if they have comfort techniques that are effective for other parents, and one of the users named, Malina Derben gave an unexpected answer to my question: “Blanket.”
He said: “If we examine the common and non-specialized ways of raising our boys, we will notice a big gap. We have never taught our sons how to calm down in difficult times. At the same time, there is complete training for women in this field. Instead of teaching our boys self-care, we ask them to fill their time with things like sports. Whenever I sense that my son is not in a good mood, I suggest he shower, make himself a warm drink, and wrap a blanket around him. This may sound strange to you, but I am teaching him to calm himself down by doing this. “I use behaviors mistakenly attributed to women to calm my son down without thinking about whether it’s a manly thing to do.”
Michael Reichert’s opinion about raising a son
Next, I spoke with a psychologist named Michael Reichert. Last year, Reichert published a book called “How to raise our son?” Wrote and published.
In this book, Reichert asks parents: “Review your day. In the past few minutes, did you listen to your son, didn’t question him, didn’t ask him questions, didn’t express your thoughts, and were just happy to be with him and listen to him?”
Tips for raising a 4-year-old boy
1. Avoid gender stereotypes
To raise a 4-year-old boy, avoid teaching gender stereotypes in the first place. Pay attention to the division of work at home. Ask the father of the family to help do the job. Doing this will destroy the mentality that men are not responsible for anything at home. Be careful what you say and how you treat the opposite sex. Avoiding gender stereotypes will pay off in the long run. According to research, men with fewer gender stereotypes have happier marriages and more positive romantic relationships.
2. Teach Boundaries
“You don’t have to enter sexual boundaries at this stage, but it’s important to let your son know early on that he has the right to decide who can touch or kiss him,” says author and researcher Mike Dumiters.
That means everyone, even Grandma and Grandpa, has to ask her permission before kissing or hugging her. If he doesn’t want to, don’t force him. Then teach him that others have this right too and that we cannot kiss or touch anyone without their permission. Learning to respect these boundaries will lead to more successful relationships.
Tips for Raising a Boy in primary school age
1. Ban his self-aggrandizing behaviors
Research shows that almost 40% of primary school boys think boys are more intelligent than girls. Encourage your son to play and befriend girls to prevent such thinking. The more you encourage boys to spend time with girls, the less likely they will engage in these self-defeating stereotypes.
When raising a 7-year-old boy, don’t just rely on gender when encouraging your son to play with girls. Teach him to treat others with respect regardless of race, gender, religion, and socioeconomic status.
2. Value his feelings
When raising a 6-year-old boy, never tell him, “Man who doesn’t cry,” or “Why are you acting like girls?”. In addition to reinforcing gender stereotypes, this type of talking is harmful. If boys cannot express their feelings honestly, they may become frustrated and develop many negative emotions.
According to a 2017 report by the Promundo Group (an organization that promotes gender justice), men who conform to traditional gender norms, including hiding emotions, are more prone to depression, suicidal thoughts, and risky behaviors. Therefore, listening to your son and letting him express his feelings is essential.
Dr. Reichert says, “When parents can communicate with their son in a way that makes him feel valued, he finds the strength to release tension, conflict, and stress.”
Tips for Raising a teenage boy
1. Foster healthy interactions
Adolescence is a good time to explain to your son that unwanted or inappropriate sexual comments, jokes, and gestures are never okay. It may feel awkward, but you can start the conversation by asking, “What do you think is a way to show love?” Help your son learn how to smile or compliment someone pleasantly. Also, help him practice being honest.
You might think that adolescence is too early to talk about these things, but according to surveys and research, many relationships are formed during this period, and it’s good to learn some basics. Talk to your son about respecting each other, putting time and effort into the relationship, showing appreciation, disagreeing with understanding and compassion, and apologizing when you make a mistake.
According to a study conducted last year, teenagers who grew up in a positive family environment (i.e., father, mother, and other family members love and support each other) have better relationship problem-solving skills.
2. Prohibit aggressive behavior
Unfortunately, societal expectations can make teenage boys feel they must be harsh, aggressive, or even violent. Understand these pressures. Tell your son, “I know you think you have to be tough to be a man, but there are many ways to be a man.” Then give him some examples, like older boys or men in your family who respect peaceful conflict resolution or famous people who you think are good role models.
Limit the violence your son is exposed to and remind him that although anger and frustration are expected, he cannot express them violently. Help him find appropriate ways to control such feelings.
Common questions about raising a boy
– How important is the mother’s role in raising a boy?
Mothers are the leading female role models in boys’ lives and play an essential role in developing their son’s identities. This affects how they relate to others, especially girls and women.
– How to deal with a stubborn boy?
Some techniques for raising a stubborn son:
- Please do not argue with him. Stubborn children are always ready to fight and argue.
- Try to establish a constructive relationship with him.
- In some situations, put yourself in his place and look at things from his point of view.
- Keep calm at home.
- Improve your negotiation skills.
you say
Do you have a son that you are worried about his upbringing? Do you have a solution or tip to add to this article? Please share your valuable comments and experiences with our dear users and us.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
