In romantic relationships, intimacy and sharing private things helps people become closer. However, it is essential to understand that intimacy does not mean sharing every detail of your life with your romantic partner. It is necessary to maintain some privacy in a relationship. In the following, we will say what privacy in a communal life means and what issues it includes. Stay with us.
The necessity of privacy in everyday life
Honesty in life is like a double-edged sword. To grow your relationship and increase the trust and intimacy between you and your romantic partner daily, you need to know what you should share with your partner and what you should keep to yourself. Everyone should learn this vital skill and apply it in their life. Keeping private parts of your personal life and past to yourself leads to a healthier relationship in the long run because both parties feel they have physical and emotional privacy, and it also shows trust between the two of you.
This type of privacy also leads to more intimacy because both people feel safe and respected, making them feel more comfortable with each other. They can talk about more issues together and be vulnerable in each other’s presence.
The difference between privacy and concealment
Privacy includes boundaries about your past, thoughts, memories, opinions, single experiences, or embarrassing facts about your history. At the same time, secrecy and concealment include issues that your spouse should know, but you intentionally hide from him.
| Secrecy | Privacy |
| It is dishonesty. | It is not dishonesty. |
| It undermines trust. | It does not undermine trust. |
| It is intentional. | It includes things that cannot be seen. |
| It is harmful. | It is not harmful. |
| It is a toxic behavior. | It is healthy behavior. |
Although a certain amount of privacy is suitable for a relationship and is a sign of a healthy relationship, keeping secrets, in general, is harmful, mainly if the secret contains damaging information to your partner.
According to experts, secretive people usually do not just keep their personal information but also try to hide something that might upset their partner.
Secrets that harm your marriage or relationship:
- Having a parallel relationship/ cheating on your spouse;
- job problems;
- drug or alcohol abuse;
- legal problems;
- lending money to others;
- lying about how money is spent and financial matters;
- non-payment of bills;
- secretly spending time with others;
- Hiding a severe illness.
The worst time to tell a secret
If you want to share a secret or an important topic with your spouse, note that these times are inappropriate for meaningful conversations:
- Just before bed
- When one or both of you are grumpy.
- When you or your partner have consumed alcohol.
- When one or both of you are in a stressful situation.
- When one of you is tired or sick.
- When one of you is angry.
- When your spouse has already been upset about something or heard the terrible news.
What does it mean to violate a spouse’s privacy?
Some things should be shared in a relationship, but there are also things your partner has the right to keep private. For example, your wife has exchanged messages with her friends, sister, brother, and parents, and they have discussed issues that are supposed to remain between them. Reading these messages and knowing things that were not meant to be shared with you violates your spouse’s privacy. Some of the other things that are considered to be a violation of your spouse’s privacy include:
- reading his diary;
- checking his personal belongings;
- searching his pockets;
- Sneak peeked at him from inside the car.
Any of these cases, if done without the permission and knowledge of your romantic partner, is a violation of his privacy. Protecting your partner’s privacy is not only good for them but also good for you. By checking his chats, e-mails, and personal messages, you may come across a statement that you do not know the background of, and thus you may misinterpret it and reach the worst conclusions. This causes your partner to accuse you of disrespect when it was not his intention.
What information can we keep private?
You or your partner may want to keep these topics private:
- information from childhood ;
- stories from past relationships;
- Some family secrets.
Some people may share such issues quickly, but others may not. If you want to know something about these issues, you can talk to your partner about your expectations. Sometimes you and your partner may disagree about the difference between privacy and secrecy in a relationship. You may feel he should share someone else’s information with you, but your spouse does not. In this situation, talk to her about how her non-participation makes you feel. Maybe this conversation will make him share some of his feelings with you. But if he still doesn’t want to talk about the topic you wish to, don’t pressure him because it’s an invasion of privacy.
How to share a secret with your partner?
If you have decided to share something meaningful with your partner, following a few tips will make the conversation easier.
1. get ready
Before you begin, acknowledge that this conversation may be challenging or anxiety-provoking. Depending on your topic, you or your partner may get angry or emotional. Anticipating and understanding these things will prepare you to some extent to face the results of this conversation.
2. Choose the right time
Don’t share a secret when you or your partner are tired, stressed, anxious, or nervous and are not in the right frame of mind. Choose a time when you can have a conversation without distractions and entirely focus on the topic.
3. Be honest but not cruel
When talking to your partner, be simple but gentle and kind. Instead of addressing him in your conversations, talk about how you feel. For example, instead of saying, “You always spend money without consulting!” Say, “I get anxious when we both don’t stick to a monthly budget.”
4. Don’t make excuses
Suppose you share something that indicates a breach of trust or crossing relationship boundaries. In that case, it’s essential, to be honest about what happened and explain your behavior without trying to justify it. To win back your partner’s trust and not lose him, you should know that honesty is essential.
final word
Honesty and trust are the pillars of a successful marriage. There is a fine line between what secrets are safe and harmful to a wedding. A person who feels he has been lied to, half-truthed, or has essential information hidden from him in his relationship can feel betrayed. It can be tough to return from this feeling, and he never fully regains his trust. If you think that a secret in your life has created a distance between you and your spouse, it is better to consult a couple of therapist psychologists.
