Hating family is normal, especially in some periods of life like adolescence. Still, if you always feel this way, examining it more closely and looking for a solution is better. You can read the answers below if you ask yourself why you hate your family and what to do with this feeling.
Why do I hate my family?
Various factors may work hand in hand and cause a person to hate his mother and father and the family in general. In the following, we examine the most important of these factors.
1. Adolescent crises
Teenagers often have problems with their families in forming their own identities and say that they hate their families. Peer pressure and stressful factors at school may affect children’s behavior with parents. This teenage anger towards the family is normal to some extent, but if it continues longer than usual, it may lead to depression.
2. Experience of mistreatment or abuse
Some abuses by parents may have caused this negative feeling. Childhood traumas and abuses also play an essential role in creating negative attitudes and behaviors toward parents.
3. The difference in values
Our parents and family’s values may differ from ours, and the older we get, the more these differences become. Usually, people respect each other’s values, and this problem is easily solved. Still, if parents try to force their children to accept their own opinions, they will create harsh and unfair conditions for their children, which may lead to children’s anger and hatred and build a relationship. Leading to unhealthy in the family.
4. Ignore feelings
When someone is emotionally neglected as a child, they carry feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and inability to understand why into adulthood. Sometimes caregivers unknowingly cause this feeling in children. The failure of parents to provide emotional support to children causes a sense of emptiness and separation from the family in adulthood.
5. Improper or tangled borders
If the family does not have clear boundaries and your physical and emotional privacy is not respected in childhood and adolescence, you will not feel good about your family as an adult. As a child, you may not think that these conditions are abnormal, but you will realize that your rights have been violated when you grow up.
6. Constant criticism
If you feel like you can’t do anything right, it’s hard to feel optimistic about your childhood and your parents. Some parenting methods, which were specific to previous generations, were based on criticism and creating shame, and this way shaped children’s behavior.
This parenting style is changing, but there is still a direct relationship between constant criticism and negative feelings toward the family. Children mistreated in this way later have problems communicating with their families and getting close to them.
7. to be released
Parents may abandon their children for various reasons, which are sometimes beyond the control and decision of the parents. From incarceration, deployment, health or death concerns to parents willingly leaving home, all affect how a growing child views himself and the world around him. Parental absence may affect a child’s attachment style, affecting how they develop and maintain relationships in adulthood.
8. Drug abuse
Experiencing or witnessing drug use at home is traumatic for a child. Many who have seen their parents struggle with relapse and abuse become resentful of their parents. When parents use drugs, they usually do not behave the same as when they are sober, or they may be unable to take care of their child emotionally or physically. This confuses the child and creates painful memories and feelings for him.
Signs of toxic parents
Although it is customary sometimes to feel hatred towards our family, some people think that their parents’ behavior is toxic and affects this feeling of disgust. Check for these signs to determine if your parent’s behavior is harmful
1. Constantly blaming others
People who always blame others are boring and immature. Everyone makes mistakes, and we have to accept this fact. Over time, children realize that their parents never take responsibility for anything, and they may resent it.
2. Emotional immaturity
Emotionally immature parents need constant attention but are uncomfortable with close relationships. A need for reassurance and a reluctance to be intimate leads to loneliness and confusing relationships with children.
3. Disrespect
All human beings deserve respect regardless of their age. Parents or family members should not disrespect children, as this is harmful.
4. investment
Children who are forced to do things without consent or treated like family servants are exploited. This parental behavior is toxic and, in some cases, even abusive.
5. Parenting children
When parents put their emotional burdens and worries on their children or treat them as surrogate spouses or therapists, this behavior is unhealthy and harmful. It places an unfair emotional burden on the young child.
6. Emotional blackmail
Growing up with such parents is exhausting and isolating and may cause the child to lose trust in them.
How to deal with the feeling of hatred from the family?
Coping with a dysfunctional family can be difficult but not impossible. Many people live with their parents until they are ancient, or their cultural values do not allow them to distance themselves from their parents, even if their relationship is unhealthy. Regardless of your situation, there are tools to improve the situation. Healthy coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes or adaptations can help you deal with feelings of separation and hatred from your parents.
1. Focus on yourself
Coping with toxic parents is stressful and exhausting. Don’t forget emotional self-care when dealing with poisonous parents; it will help you stay grounded and avoid being overwhelmed by emotions.
Focus on what you feel most comfortable with. If the bath is hot, include it in your schedule. Do it if it’s a long solo walk, visiting a museum, or trying a new restaurant with friends. Many people use journaling to help collect their thoughts. There are no rules for self-care. Just do something valuable that makes you feel better.
2. Acceptance of feelings
If you are experiencing negative emotions, you need to come to terms with them and accept them. This stage begins with accepting and acknowledging feelings. This stage can be a long struggle for many people because they have never learned how to identify their feelings, especially if they were neglected at home or emotionally abused by their parents.
Many people benefit from meditation, mindfulness, and thinking about what they’re feeling inside and what their body is telling them.
3. Set healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries when dealing with toxic parents is challenging but necessary. This will help you avoid facing them again in an unpleasant or harmful situation.
Setting boundaries with parents includes deciding when, where, and how long to contact them over the phone or in person. It also involves limiting what you talk about and deciding how to react if that boundary is broken.
4. Brief and short communication
This is similar to setting boundaries. The longer your conversation and communication with your family, the more boring it is. This situation provides more opportunities for them to cross their established limits.
When communicating with a toxic parent, keep it short. This will limit the back-and-forth conversations they often have to manipulate your psyche. Practice short phrases that start or break a conversation.
5. Distance in social networks
If you are in contact with your parents online, many experts recommend that you at least distance yourself from them on social networks. This will help reduce your links. You can start by “unfollowing” them for a few months. If you’re concerned about the consequences of doing so, one option is to delete social media altogether. You always have the opportunity to reactivate them.
6. Reducing self-blame
It’s natural to blame yourself whenever a relationship doesn’t go well. If you’re a victim of a toxic family, you may be told that if anything goes wrong, it’s always your fault.
So try to reduce this sense of self-blame. Be aware of any negative self-talk or unhealthy messages you send yourself about various situations.
7. Not trying to change them
When we realize our parents’ behavior is toxic, we may want to change them. After all, they are our parents! But remember that people don’t change unless they want to. If your parents spent most of their lives this way, they will unlikely change later. It is better to distance yourself from them and hope they want to improve when they notice your withdrawal.
8. Strengthening relationships outside the family
Growing up in an unhealthy environment can feel isolating. But these conditions should not cause you to become isolated. It would be best if you had healthy relationships outside the family environment. Many people create their “family of choice” through friends and loved ones with whom they have close relationships. Doing so will reduce your pain and isolation during the holidays or other important events.
Finally, if you can’t overcome this negative feeling alone, it might be a good idea to seek help from professional counselors. “I hate my family” is a familiar complaint therapist deal with.
you say
If you have the experience of living in a toxic family, share your experiences in the comments section with other “How To” companions.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
