It is natural to want others to respect us. However, man is social and wants his fellow humans to value him. However, sometimes our feelings are hurt, even without the other party having such an intention. Taking other people’s words to heart hurts us personally and in the work environment. In this article, we explain the reasons for this problem and introduce solutions to deal with it.
What is the meaning of taking other people’s words?
Personalizing issues and taking other people’s words to heart means you accept everything. The intended situation or the other party’s words may have nothing to do with you, but you think you are under suspicion. When you care too much about yourself and live in your mental image, the result is that you take everything into account, including what other people say. The reason is apparent. In this case, you assume that everything is about you.
When someone takes everything other people say to themselves, it often means they constantly feel targeted and attacked by those around them. In this situation, the person feels that his character, abilities, competence, or personal achievements are worthless. As a result, he probably becomes defensive against others.
People usually take it upon themselves when something makes them nervous. For example, if you are not confident in your abilities at work, you will be more suspicious of others. In this situation, you might expect others to dislike what you don’t like about yourself. This issue will have many negative consequences. Taking the words of others and personalizing everything will cause you to find negative and limiting beliefs and stop pursuing your goals and making the most of your abilities.
Why do we take the words of others?
It is natural to care about what others say about us. However, this importance should not hinder our progress. To deal with this problem, we must first know its causes. In general, people may take the words of others for seven reasons.
1. Repeating negative words to yourself
One of the main reasons we take other people’s words for granted is to repeat negative comments to ourselves or blame ourselves. People with this problem constantly tell themselves they are not good enough or that everything is always their fault. Therefore, in the face of sometimes incorrect opinions, they easily believe negative words about themselves.
2. History of trauma
Those who have had a history of trauma in childhood take the words of others more than anything else. These people usually did not have enough emotional support during childhood, and their parents always blamed them. As a result, in dealing with the opinions and words of others, they unconsciously think that they deserve to be ridiculed or humiliated.
3. low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem sometimes worry too much about what others think. They may take many things as personal when they are not.
4. Anxiety Disorders
Those who suffer from social anxiety take the words of others to themselves the most. These people are afraid of being judged and embarrassed to hear other people’s opinions. Therefore, they are more sensitive to this issue and consider themselves the audience of every word they hear.
5. Perfectionism
Perfectionists worry too much about meeting unrealistic standards. Perfectionists often believe that others have expectations of them that they must meet, when in reality, this may not be the case. For perfectionists, bearing so much pressure and paying attention to hypothetical expectations brings a lot of stress. Perfectionism makes them take everything on themselves because they expect too much of themselves and always feel they fail to meet unreasonable expectations.
6. Stress or fatigue crisis
In a situation where you have many job duties and still haven’t reached the deadlines set for them, you will experience stress and crisis fatigue. This means that you are not in a good state of mind. The result is that you may misinterpret the opinions of others more than usual.
7. Emotional sensitivity
Someone who is emotionally sensitive often struggles with negative thoughts and emotions. This issue may become so complicated that it deprives him of sleep and food. An emotionally sensitive person constantly worries and compares himself with others. Such a person is terrified of rejection. As a result, if he hears something, he immediately relates it to himself and imagines that others are always talking about him.
Signs that you have taken the words of others
We often ignore other people’s positive comments about us and instead spend most of our energy thinking about their opposing views. For example, you might be upset that your boss told you you are not ready to take on more significant projects. However, if you look at his opinion differently, you can use it as constructive criticism.
In order not to take the words of others, we must know the signs of this way of thinking. If you have the following symptoms, think a little more; Maybe you’re taking things too personally.
- You need the approval of others to be happy;
- You apologize for no reason and want everyone to be satisfied with you;
- You don’t have clear boundaries for yourself;
- You are afraid of saying no to other people’s requests;
- You easily believe harsh criticisms about yourself and take them to heart;
- You consider every wrong behavior as a sign of your personality defect;
- You immediately get defensive or angry about anything;
- You often have mental ruminations. You overthink your recent conversations with others to the point where your daily activities are disrupted.
How not to take the words of others?
Sometimes taking on the words and criticisms of others helps you to have meaningful relationships with your loved ones, and they realize what is bothering you sooner. In this case, they can modify their behavior to be less hurt. However, this thinking is not always correct and causes trouble for those around us. So it is better to think to solve this problem.
1. Practice emotional resilience
If you habitually take other people’s words for granted in your personal and workplace relationships, you may have problems. This issue is critical in the workplace, where you always deal with different personalities.
At work, you have to meet deadlines, keep customers and clients happy, and you may have a boss who always has high expectations. Getting emotional occasionally is normal, but you must learn and practice emotional resilience. To control your emotions, remember to think before you react. If something goes wrong, be friendly and take time to think about your reaction.
2. Don’t forget that self-blame often comes from anger
It is straightforward to take other people’s words and blame yourself. In such a situation, not only have others attacked you, but you most likely accuse and blame yourself for doing something that is not your fault.
Many times the reason for this is anger. People usually blame others because it’s a quick fix to escape guilt. This is how they take responsibility. So remember that scolding is often an easy way to eliminate people’s anger. Therefore, taking them as soon as you hear such words is unnecessary.
3. Boost your self-confidence
Boosting your confidence will help you a lot. In the work environment, this feature is the first word. If you are confident in your abilities and achievements, there is no reason to make things personal.
Take imposter syndrome seriously. It would be best to forget that you have worked hard to get where you are and deserve it. Trust in your abilities and always pay attention to where you should be.
4. Stop hypothesizing
Nine times out of 10 that we take other people’s word for granted, it is related to false assumptions we have made. The problem with hypothesizing is that we readily believe its conclusion. We may even swear our hypothesis is true when we are wrong. False assumptions prevent you from moving forward and progressing. So stop doing this right now.
5. Turn criticism into constructive feedback
Constructive feedback is more potent than regular criticism. However, sometimes people forget to express their criticisms respectfully and constructively. If you think you have been criticized, you can take two ways:
- Make it personal and let it get in the way of your success;
- Consider criticism as a gift and use it as an opportunity to improve.
Indeed, the second way is better. Don’t you think so?
6. Busy yourself with something else
Suppose you have noticed that you usually take other people’s words for yourself; think about why. You may have a lot of overtime. In this extra time, there is a possibility to think about anything. So try to warm your senses by doing job duties. In this situation, your mind has less time to meditate.
you say
It’s normal to take other people’s words for granted occasionally, but if this happens repeatedly, your mental health may suffer. We mentioned different ways in this article to identify and deal with this problem. If you think this always bothers you, you should pay less attention to what others say and remember that other issues, such as a lack of self-confidence, often cause our overreactions.
This problem is usually solved with the simple solutions we introduced. However, if this problem has disturbed your life, it is better to consult an experienced psychologist.
Are you one of those people who always take other people’s words for themselves? What do you think should be done in such a situation?
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
