For many of us, talking to children is not an easy task. Talking to children properly also has tips and tricks, by which we can look severe and decisive despite having a friendly attitude. The following describes the critical points and principles of talking with children. Following these tips, you can have a frank and pleasant conversation with any child and establish a good relationship.
Why is it hard to talk to children?
“We forget what it’s like to be a child,” says Tina Payne Bryson, psychotherapist and co-author of The Whole-Brain Child. “Sometimes it’s hard to communicate with children because our daily routines are very different.” In adulthood, our brains and habits change, and it becomes difficult for us to remember what it was like to be a 10-year-old child. But to talk and communicate with a 10-year-old child, we don’t need to remember how we were when we were ten years old. We must accept that they are people with their interests, insights, and personalities and then interact with them.
In the following, we have presented the most critical points for talking to children.
1. Find sharing points
We usually don’t know where to start the conversation, but when you bring up an open topic, the children continue and move the conversation forward. The sentences you use to start a conversation depend on the situation. For example, if you’re with a griller, you can ask his favorite condiment or general questions like whether he’s seen a funny animal video lately. It would be best to encourage the child to talk to get to know him better.
You can start by asking questions about your interests. For example, if you are into video games, ask what games he likes, or if you are into reading, ask him what exciting book he read recently. These initial questions are all about finding common ground. With these questions, you can find common interests like playing cards or minor disagreements (like whether fries with ketchup are good). By understanding the points of commonality, you can establish a better relationship with the child.
2. Asking questions related to the child’s words
The next step to having a good conversation with children is to pay attention. Instead of listening to the child and asking relevant questions, many people start telling a long story about themselves. Asking relevant questions requires active listening and humility. A child is someone with interests and skills you can learn from, just as you know from talking to adults.
Put down your phone, make eye contact, and smile to listen to your child actively. You don’t need to change your voice and talk like a child. “Children need to feel safe, seen, comforted, and reassured,” says Bryson. “When you smile and have a relaxed attitude, you send signals of safety and connection.”
3. Sitting at the same level as the child
Child-level sitting makes you look much kinder. Even when you try to be humble and friendly, the child may feel intimidated if you are above him. Therefore, sitting or kneeling near the child is better so he does not have to look up to see you.
4. Guiding the conversation according to the enthusiasm and interests of the child
Withdraw during the conversation. Some adults think that they should talk a lot to children, but children like you to listen to them. Just ask questions and let the child lead the conversation. He leads the discussion to things that are interesting to him. This often means going down a silly and imaginative path that may be difficult for adults. “Adults are more logical and solution-oriented,” says Bryson. “We’ve forgotten what it’s like to play.”
You can ask an open-ended or silly question to explore your playful side. For example, say: “If you were to open a restaurant that only served three dishes, what would those dishes be?” Do not ignore the enthusiasm of the child. If the child is interested in basketball and you don’t care about sports, ask him to talk about his favorite player. If he has just learned much about computer programs, don’t try to show off your knowledge. Encourage him to tell you what he has learned.
5. Bringing up the details of previous conversations
When you chat with the child and find common ground, you can create a permanent connection with him. Remembering the details and returning to them in subsequent conversations is essential. For example, if he told you he joined the football team, ask him how this season was.
6. Ask for help or guidance
Children love to solve adult problems. Tell him a simple and not-so-serious problem you have faced during the day. A child likes to have a chance to find a solution to your problem. For example, say: “I don’t know what to buy for my friend’s birthday.” Can you help me choose a gift?” Or “I want to go to the cinema this weekend, but I hesitate.” Which movie do you think is good?”
7. Genuine and encouraging compliments
Focus on the child’s efforts and personality, not superficial things. Superficial compliments are helpful but not very effective. Instead, focus on what the child is doing. Specific praise is much more effective and makes it easier to relate to children.
For example, things like “You draw horses very well,” “You look powerful in those skates,” and “You are so kind to share your food with your brother” are much more accurate than saying, “Your eye color is gorgeous!” » or “What a big family you have.”
8. Ask open questions
Asking yes or no questions is not helpful to keep the conversation going. Ask the child to explain what they are thinking or feeling. Before asking the question, go over it in your mind. If the child can answer it with one or two words, try to change your query. For example, asking, “What good thing happened at school today?” It’s much better than asking, “How was school today?”
9. showing interest
Short and encouraging comments let the child know you are listening. When the child tells his story, show interest during the conversation. Phrases like “That’s interesting” or “Go on” show your child you care.
10. Not interrupting the child’s words
When we tell our friend an exciting story, we don’t want him to interrupt us and start talking himself. The same principle applies to children. Give children enough time to say what’s on their mind, even if they have trouble finding the right words. When they are done, you can reply and give your opinion.
11. Calling the child by his name
This is great for getting a child’s attention. Young children cannot focus on several things at the same time. Calling their name makes them focus on you and your voice instead of what’s happening around them.
12. Speaking in a serious tone
Having a weak manner leads to an unproductive conversation. Children learn more than just what you say and pay attention to how you say the words. If you are not severe, they will not take you seriously. It would be best if you created a balance between gentleness and firmness so that the child understands that you are not angry but are not weak.
13. Pay attention to the child’s body language
Sometimes, the child says he is fine, but his body language says something else. Children sometimes show their emotions with body language (such as putting their hands to their chest or hunching their shoulders). Please watch the child’s words and movements to understand his thoughts and feelings better. For example, if the child says he had a good day at school but refuses to make eye contact, there is probably something wrong.
12. Listening rather than offering solutions
Sometimes, children are just looking for hearing aids. If your child is talking about his day, let him finish instead of rushing to solve his problem. You indeed have good intentions, but the child needs to feel that his words are heard and understood.
15. Speaking in a normal voice while punishing the child
Yelling doesn’t do any good, even if the child does. The more you scream, the more the child learns to ignore your screams. Talk to the child calmly and respectfully so that he understands that you are serious. For example, instead of yelling from the kitchen, “Get ready for school,” knock on your child’s bedroom door and say, “The school service will arrive in an hour. Don’t you want to get ready for school?”
16. Use positive words
Negative words do not have a good effect on a child. Instead of telling him what not to do, focus on what he should do. Positive and encouraging words increase a child’s self-confidence and can form better habits.
For example, instead of saying, “No playing in the kitchen,” say, “Play in the living room where all your toys are,” or instead of saying, “Don’t be so selfish,” say, “You are a good child who gives your toys to others.” These positive sentences encourage and encourage the child.
17. Use simpler and shorter phrases
Long words will not have much effect in the long run. Instead of whining and complaining about the task or task the child has to do, simplify your speech to one word. This way, the child will understand your message without feeling that you are belittling him or giving him orders. For example, instead of saying, “5 minutes ago, I told you to put your things in the backpack”, you can say, “Guys, backpack!”
18. Not hiding shyness or vulnerability
Some children find it challenging to talk to adults. They feel more comfortable seeing your exposure. For example, if you say that you are often shy at parties, the feeling of shyness will be standard for the child. If the child prefers silence, you should be silent, too. “If we ask a question or two and the child doesn’t expand the conversation, it means they don’t want to be asked now,” says Bryson. If he prefers to remain silent, you shouldn’t say anything either.
final word
Try to spend time talking with your child every day. This is a great way to communicate with him and gives the child a safe place to express his thoughts and feelings. You can gradually become friends with him by finding common interests, asking good questions, and paying attention to what the child says. When you become friends, it becomes easier to talk.
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes; to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
