Your 5-year-old daughter asks you to buy her candy from the store. You object, saying that today you’re only buying what you need for the week and no candy. However, when you put him in the car seat, you notice a sweet in his pocket, and your face gets hot with embarrassment. In such a situation, what is the correct behavior? To answer this question, you need to know the reason for stealing children. In this article, we explain the theft of children, its causes, and the correct approach.
What is the cause of child theft?
1. Impulsivity, lack of self-control, or lack of willpower
Usually, when children age 6 or 7, arbitrary and impulsive behavior is formed in them. Before this age, it was difficult for the child to cope with his immediate urges. For example, he brings home his favorite toy from kindergarten, or when he goes to a party with his parents, he eats sweets from the owner’s serving dish without permission.
What angers parents most is that the child does not realize the unpleasantness of his actions, does not regret them, and does not apologize. However, this child’s behavior has a simple reason: The parts of his brain responsible for self-control and moral behavior have not yet developed sufficiently.
2. A child’s inferiority complex
This problem arises from the relationship between parents and children. In the family of such children, probably the mother and father are busy making money or raising younger children. As a result, the child does not feel loved or needed and is lonely. He thinks that he has to attract the attention of his parents, and therefore, he steals.
3. Not properly recognizing the things that belong to him
It may seem that the child should be familiar with such concepts from birth. However, many cases of child abduction suggest otherwise. Usually, the reason why children steal in these cases is that they are not adequately acquainted with morals. The child may not understand why mom’s scarf can be removed from her wardrobe, but her purse should not be touched.
4. Madness of theft
Kleptomania is a pathological urge to steal. The stolen object is usually worthless even to the child. He grabs the first thing he sees and then forgets it or lets it go quickly.
True kleptomania is rare. A child with this disease has organic brain damage. Theft is institutionalized in him and appears as a conditioned reaction. In such a situation, education is of no use, and the help of a psychiatrist should be sought because his stealing madness is a psychiatric disorder.
5. Being forced to commit theft
The child’s classmates or older children may extort or take money from him. In this case, the child is afraid to inform a family member or other adults about the issue, which is ultimately considered theft. Some children have addictions and steal money to buy drugs.
What to do when children steal?
To properly deal with child theft, we must pay attention to their age. Accordingly, in the following, we have explained the correct handling of theft by children of different ages.
1. Theft in preschool age
Theft does not mean anything to a preschooler because his actions are not criminally motivated. Very young children do not steal; They take other people’s things without permission. Preschoolers pick up everything because they don’t yet understand what is theirs and what isn’t. For this reason, sometimes a child of this age comes home with something he took from a friend’s house or a store. A child at this age does not understand the concept of ownership.
Dealing with this problem correctly
According to a 2017 study published by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), parents should talk to their preschoolers about understanding others’ emotions and why stealing is wrong.
If a 2- or 3-year-old takes something from the store or his sibling’s room, parents should make it very clear to him that we don’t take other people’s things without permission. It should be explained to him that if we want something from the store, we have to buy it. Ask him to return what he took without permission, or take it from him and return it yourself. The reaction is enough, and there is no need for punishment. The child is still learning at this stage of development, so do not complicate the matter and do not get angry.
2. Theft in elementary school age
When children reach school age, it is common for them to steal small things like stickers or toys. In most of these cases, children steal without permission. They do not think about the consequences of their actions and the feelings of others.
Stealing in elementary school age often involves lying. When these children are caught stealing, they will lie, even if you have seen them by the wrist during the act. By lying, they escape the just punishment for their wrongdoings.
Stealing in school children is mainly due to impulse control disorder, which is expected at this age. The reason why children steal at this age is that they don’t think about the consequences of their actions.
Dealing with this problem correctly
According to psychologists’ research, creating family rules creates a framework for children to know which behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Family rules and the consequences of their violation may be based on honesty, trust, and respect for the property of others. When these rules are broken, the child knows that his habit of lying or stealing will result in appropriate disciplinary action.
At primary school age, it is essential to have a serious discussion about the wrongness of stealing. Ask your child to return anything they have taken without permission to its owner. Explain to him why it is wrong to take something from the store without paying for it. If your child has brought his classmate’s belongings home without permission, contact his parents and the class teacher. Do not dramatize the story and ask the child to return the stolen object to its owner. Parents and teachers should talk privately with the child about this misbehavior.
If your child has taken a family member’s item without permission, ask him to return it to its owner and make up for his behavior by writing an apology letter. Do not try to scare the child from going to jail or tell him he is a bad kid. This does more harm than good.
3. Theft during adolescence and adulthood
Teenage thefts are often related to the desire to buy something fashionable. Usually, the goal of such thefts is to become a member of the peer group. Teenagers with weak will and whose moral principles have not been formed steal more than others. At this age, sometimes his teenage friends encourage him to steal.
The truth is that children steal, but if parents do not intervene or do something to prevent this behavior, stealing will continue into adolescence. Teenagers usually understand that stealing is not a good thing. They know right from wrong, yet they steal. Teenagers often enjoy excitement or lack self-confidence. In many cases, stealing is just an episode and will pass, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait for it to pass.
Dealing with this problem correctly
If you have noticed your teenage child stealing, you should have a serious conversation with him about the moral reasons for not stealing and the legal consequences. If your child is caught stealing and the police call you, stay calm. He is still considered a child by law because he is less than 18 years old. Arrest is a natural and effective consequence of his work. He should learn from his work now, not when he is older and theft becomes a bad criminal record for him.
If your teen has stolen money or things from you, after the conversation, remind them that you trust them. Let him make up for his work or give you the money back. At this age, your child’s behavior problem will not be solved by yelling or taking points from him. However, if you feel you can’t trust him like you used to, it’s fair to limit his freedom. It would be best if you had a plan to deal with his behavior so that he can regain your trust.
What should I do if my child continues to steal?
Have you tried punishing your child for stealing, but he still keeps doing it? If so, take a deep breath and relax because you are not alone. The cause of child theft is sometimes a more severe problem that requires an entirely different approach.
If the child is traumatized and steals, you will face a severe problem. In this case, you should seek help from a mental health professional. Stealing children who are victims of abuse or have challenging life situations such as adoption is often a traumatic reaction. Such children unconsciously steal to ensure they have the necessary facilities for their safety. They may have lost everything and feel compelled to take what they can.
In such a situation, you should also remind your child that stealing is wrong and the stolen items must be returned. If you can’t trust him, use the cancellation of some of his privileges.
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When the cause of child theft is a more severe problem, a little compassion goes a long way. Forget punishment or force. Your goal should not be to make them feel bad because they already have bad feelings. You should be with them in this situation, not against them. Younger children need education. You should also tell the teenagers that you love them, that this behavior is incorrect, and that you will help them.
Have you ever faced the problem of child theft? What is the best thing to do in such a situation?
Warning! This article is only for educational purposes, and to use it, it is necessary to consult a doctor or specialist.
