We all sometimes encounter angry people at home or work. In such a situation, sometimes we can calm him down by saying sentences or distracting him. Of course, not all cases are the same, so no method is guaranteed to be successful. However, if you adapt to the problem and adequately communicate with the person, you can calm him down. The following describes helpful tips and methods to calm an angry person.
keep calm
1. Pay attention to your situation
Seeing the other person’s anger and distress may make you feel their feelings. In this situation, you must calm down to calm the angry person. Check your whole body; For example, notice your shoulders relaxed or take a deep breath.
2. Avoid conflict
Your anger will only worsen the situation when the other person is angry. Keep calm so that the work does not end in arguments. This doesn’t mean to be completely insensitive, but don’t let your emotions bubble up like an angry person.
One way to avoid conflict is to let go of ego and not make things personal. It’s natural to defend yourself or your reputation against an angry person, but remember that you can’t reason with outraged people (until they’ve calmed down).
3. Not being defensive
When someone is so angry that they can hardly speak in a calm and gentle tone, usually their style quickly affects you, and you become defensive. But you should know that his anger is probably not related to you. Separate the person’s feelings from your own so you can help them.
4. Staying in the present
Angry people usually bring up events or conversations from the past, especially if they want to make you angry. Counteract this by keeping their focus on the present and offering a solution to a current problem. Try not to be angry about past events.
If your conversation drifts to past events, you can say, “We can talk about that later. We should now focus on what is bothering you and find a solution to this problem. “It is better to focus on one issue at a time.”
5. Being calm and quiet
If the other person is yelling or taking out their anger on you, it’s best to stay calm and say nothing. He is like a runner who runs 80 kilometers per hour and needs time to slow down. It means that he should be able to vent his anger, and you should not interrupt his words. Just listen, not just to the words he says, but to the feelings behind his words. He wants to have his say, and that’s all he wants. If you speak, speak calmly and gently; if you are silent, keep a neutral facial expression and open body language. If you don’t react to the angry person’s anger, you will have more control over yourself.
Of course, there is a difference between allowing a person to vent their anger and being a victim of verbal abuse. If the other person is scolding you, calling you bad names, or taking out their anger over something that has nothing to do with you, you can say, “I understand that you’re upset, and I want to help you. But please don’t take your anger out on me.”
Reducing the anger of an angry person
1. apologize
If you’ve done something to make someone angry, maybe they need an apology. Apologizing is not a sign of weakness; it shows that you care about the other person’s feelings. I think, well, did you do something wrong? If so, I apologize. Sometimes, your apology will make the angry person feel better about what happened. But if you didn’t do anything wrong, don’t apologize to appease the angry person.
2. Avoid saying “calm down”
An angry person is dominated by his emotions and cannot access the rational part of his brain. Trying to reason or say “calm down” or “be reasonable” usually fuels his anger and makes him feel helpless.
He does not want to hear this sentence because he cannot be calm. His limbic system has taken over his brain; when someone is in a fight or flight response, he only focuses on the threat. Saying “calm down” makes him angrier because the implicit message is, “Your anger is misplaced, and you can’t control it.” This means not validating his feelings.
3. Use good listening techniques
When people are emotional, they want others to understand them. Listen to his words, look into his eyes, nod if necessary, and ask questions to understand the issue better. He calms down when a person speaks and feels his words are heard.
Of course, sometimes angry people don’t like to be asked questions and may be so angry that they don’t believe anyone understands them. In this situation, try your best, but if the person is not in the mood for a sincere conversation, don’t force him.
4. Validate one’s feelings
Sometimes, another emotion is hidden behind anger, such as annoyance, embarrassment, or sadness. Whatever the reason for the person’s anger, listen to them and validate their feelings (without necessarily agreeing with them). Also, avoid judging the angry person, as your judgment may be disapproving of your words or body language.
You can acknowledge the other person’s feelings by saying, “It must be so hard,” or “I understand how upset you are.” But saying things like “forget it” or “I had a similar experience and got over it” doesn’t help.
Even after calming down, the angry person may still say, “I’m going to hit him,” or “I’m going to ruin the company on their head.” You should also respond by saying, “I understand,” “I understand,” or “I don’t blame you.” It would be best if you kept validating her feelings because no one gets in trouble for hitting on someone. Of course, later, ask him to think about the consequences of his work. Don’t say, “They’re too bad” or “Right, you should do the same thing,” because that’s just throwing gasoline on the fire. Acknowledge her feelings, but don’t encourage her.
5. Sympathy
Empathy may be in the form of understanding other people’s points of view or feelings or feeling upset because of their predicament and plight. To empathize with someone angry, you can show them that you are listening and understand what they are saying.
To empathize with someone who is angry, try to repeat to them the reason for their anger; for example, say, “So you are angry because you think you have to take on all the responsibilities at home alone.” But sometimes, saying “I understand how you feel” makes the other person angrier because they believe no one can understand their feelings.
Avoid the words “I” or “you” because they focus attention on the person or cause embarrassment or distress to the other person. Generally speaking, using the third person pronoun allows you to share your feelings and sympathize with the person without joining them in their complaints and harsh criticisms of others.
6. Lighten the mood with humor
To know if this method is effective, you must see the situation or the angry person reasonably well. Humor can combat anger because it changes the body’s chemical processes. Joking or pointing out something funny about the situation and both of you laughing can change the situation and calm the person down.
7. Asking irrelevant questions
Asking irrelevant questions leads one to ask, “What?” For example, you can ask: “What are your plans for the holidays?” or “How is your mother?” Asking these questions creates a momentary pause because it causes him to think about the answer to your question. If you feel he won’t react badly, you can ask, “Do you want to buy a sandwich?” When you reduce the intensity of his anger (even for a few seconds), it will be difficult for him to get back to the same point because offense requires energy.
8. Offer to do something
You can offer the angry person to go for a walk or drink coffee together. You leave the scene and do something else. Offer a few options (for example, two options) so that the decision is not difficult for the person and he can choose one.
The brain cannot constantly multitask, but our brain works well when an activity is familiar to us and requires little thinking. Of course, whatever you do is just a way to get away from the scene, not a final solution. This is what you do to get the person out of your mood.
9. Giving time to the person
Some people are talkative, but some prefer to be alone with their feelings. If talking makes the person more angry, give them time instead of talking. Most people’s anger subsides after at least 20 minutes, but some need more time.
Trying to find a solution
1. Helping the person to improve the situation
If the reason for the anger is a solvable problem, you may be able to help the person. If he is calm enough to listen to your reasoning, offer solutions, and help him devise a plan to improve things.
Sometimes, you can’t talk rationally with an angry person. Assess the situation to see if you should wait for the person to calm down enough to listen to your arguments. Ask him to explain why he is angry. This is how you help him understand his feelings better.
2. Focus on the future
When understanding feelings of anger, it is essential to focus on the present but to find a solution, you must focus on the future. Focusing on the end helps one think more logically and focus on better outcomes from the solution instead of dwelling on the past or present anger.
3. Helping to accept that there is no solution
Not all problems or situations that make people angry have an answer. In such a situation, you must convince the person to overcome his feelings.
Recognizing the right time to leave a person alone
1. Letting go if you can’t stay calm
If the person upsets you or provokes anger, you should leave the place if possible. Getting angry yourself makes the situation worse, so leaving the scene when you’re angry will prevent the problem from escalating or getting into a fight.
2. Diagnosis of abuse
Anger and abuse are not the same thing. Anger is a natural human emotion that needs to be controlled, but misbehavior is an unhealthy and potentially dangerous way to interact with others. By using the following strategies, you can realize that you are dealing with misbehavior, not anger:
- physical intimidation (whether or not it leads to actual violence);
- make you feel guilty ;
- calling you names or humiliating you;
- Sexual control or coercion.
3. Going to a safe place if the situation turns violent
If you encounter someone who has anger management issues and you are concerned about your safety, leave the area immediately and go to a safe place. Domestic violence is a continuous cycle, and if it happens once, it is likely to happen again. If the person is violent and unpredictable or threatens you, it is better to stay away from him.
Conclusion
Calming down an angry person requires a lot of patience. Hearing things like “calm down” only worsens things when someone is. Being a good listener and distracting the angry person can be helpful, but when the person’s anger has become explosive or unpredictable, distance yourself from them instead of trying to reason with them. If the angry person does not accept your apology, giving him time and leaving him alone is better.
In your opinion, which of the mentioned methods are effective? Have you ever tried these methods? What other ways do you recommend for calming down angry people?
