Deception refers to lying, distorting facts, hiding the truth, or misleading the emotional partner. Cheating of any kind damages the relationship and causes mistrust in the relationship. In this article, we explain the meaning of deception in dynamic relationships and describe its symptoms, damages, and consequences. Stay with us.
What is meant by deception in an emotional relationship?
Deception in a relationship has different forms, and the most dangerous type is a suitable lie or a white lie. A white lie is a lie that doesn’t hurt anyone, like telling your spouse you like your new haircut or pretending your spouse’s joke was funny. We all do it sometimes. Although a white lie is usually harmless, it may institutionalize the pattern of lying in a person’s existence and gradually cause the person to tell more extensive and more damaging lies.
We cheat on our partners because we want to avoid an argument, hide our insecurities, or protect our partners from something. However, this is not the right thing to do, even if there is a benevolent intention behind it because it causes the other party to mistrust. Paradoxical events, unusual behaviors, and defensive reactions are signs of someone trying to deceive their romantic partner.
Examples of cheating in a relationship
1. Telling expedient lies
We said that expedient lying is one of the safe types of deception. Of course, we should not exaggerate in telling such lies. For example, imagine a situation where you will have dinner with your wife outside the house. In this situation, instead of saying you are still present, you may say you are stuck in traffic. Or, for example, if you are tired and don’t feel like hanging out with a friend, make yourself comfortable by telling a reasonable lie. We often describe these seemingly practical lies to avoid arguing with the other party.
2. lying
Sometimes, the lies we tell may exceed the safe limit and are said to deceive our emotional partners. For example, instead of telling your spouse that you are playing, you might say, “I’m still at work!”. Although these true lies are related to preventing conflict and discussion, they have very harmful consequences.
3. Hiding finances
Many struggle to discuss their income, debt, or spending habits. Some people are not honest about their financial affairs with their romantic partner due to low income, and some due to the possibility of abuse by the other party. It has probably happened to you that you didn’t tell your spouse the actual price of something you bought. According to surveys, financial cheating is widespread among couples.
4. Hiding your true self
Some people prefer to hide their true selves and behave differently to be more popular or influential. Hiding the true self in a relationship is very harmful and puts much pressure on the person and the romantic partner. Still, some people prefer to win the opinion of their romantic partner by presenting a more favorable version of themselves.
5. Fake stories
This example of deception is also prevalent in relationships. Sometimes, we create several stories together and an emotional atmosphere to attract the attention of our romantic partners. Of course, these fake stories are not always sad and to win the sympathy of the other party, and sometimes they are achievements that we attribute to ourselves to improve our situation.
6. Hiding lies
Unfortunately, sometimes, the situation is such that we tell a lie to our romantic partner and mislead him, and then we try our best to cover up the effect of these lies. When we have been searching his room and in the meantime, we have broken or damaged something, and by hiding it, we try to avoid revealing this incident.
7. Betrayal
One of the worst and most hurtful deceptions in an emotional relationship is cheating. In this way, a person enters into another passionate relationship and secretly takes care that his wife does not understand anything and is not scandalized.
8. Gaslighting phenomenon
You may sometimes make your spouse guilty by saying something or pretending to do something when he is not guilty. This cheating method of yours, which is called the gas lamp phenomenon, makes your wife doubt herself. For example, imagine a situation where your spouse criticizes you or accuses you of something, and instead of accepting responsibility for your mistakes, you deny it and claim that it is not the case.
Is not telling some information and events a kind of deception?
Yes. Although sometimes you don’t mean to tell your spouse about certain things, this is also considered a form of cheating. For example, you may go to a party and see your ex-partner there. When telling your wife the party’s story, you remove the part about visiting your ex-partner to prevent her from getting upset or sensitive. However, if he hears something about this from another person later, he will be upset with you.
Or you may be under financial stress, but you’d rather your spouse or romantic partner not get a whiff of it just because you don’t want to upset them. Although your concern is understandable, your spouse must know about your financial problems. You may find suitable solutions to solve the problem by thinking together.
Signs of deception in an emotional relationship
The obvious signs of deception in a relationship are:
- Unexplained change in behavior: One of the most critical signs of cheating is a sudden change in behavior or a new habit, such as your partner coming home late every night.
- Contradictory stories: His new words are different from his previous statements and are contradictory.
- Defensive reactions: He reacts defensively in response to your questions.
- Awkwardness: He seems awkward when communicating with you, doesn’t look at you directly, and is restless.
- Hesitating: He pauses to find the right words before answering your questions.
- Protected privacy: He keeps an eye on his cell phone or laptop and even changes their password.
- Unavailability: Sometimes, he suddenly disappears, and you cannot reach him by phone or text.
- Emotional instability: Sometimes, he may be more affectionate towards you and sometimes altogether avoid you physically and emotionally.
Causes of deception in an emotional relationship
The most common causes of cheating in relationships are:
- Conflict prevention: The reason for most people’s lies and concealment is related to conflict prevention.
- Attention-seeking: sometimes, we may distort the facts to please our partner.
- Hiding insecurities: We may feel insecure and think our romantic partner will leave us if he discovers our weaknesses or sensitivities.
- Protecting the emotional partner: sometimes, the purpose of telling fake stories and words to his wife may be to protect him from negative and unpleasant things.
- Fear of consequences: Sometimes, we may hide our undesirable habits by deceiving our partner because we fear being judged or facing the consequences.
- Maintaining independence: Sometimes, people prefer not to share everything with their romantic partner due to their privacy and autonomy.
What effect does cheating have on an emotional relationship?
Trust and honesty are the most essential principles of a healthy relationship. Cheating on a romantic partner causes these principles to be violated, and the cheated romantic partner can never fully trust the other party, even if the relationship continues after learning about the deception. Never deceive your romantic partner to hide your weaknesses and vulnerability in a romantic relationship. This undesirable behavior will never work in the long run, and eventually, one day, your romantic partner will find out the truth.
How to deal with cheating in a relationship
Although it is very upsetting to learn about the deception of the closest person in life, it is necessary to react appropriately in this situation.
1. Think about your feelings
It is expected to feel angry or hurt in this situation. Take a moment to think about your feelings to understand how you feel and why. Recognizing and thinking about feelings is one of the most essential actions in this situation.
2. Share your feelings
Talk to your partner about the impact of their actions. The first reaction to your mind is to blame him and start a fight but wait and talk about your feelings instead of blaming him. Let him know how he made you feel.
3. Try to see the situation from his point of view
Instead of blaming your partner, ask him non-aggressively why you cheated. Try to put yourself in his place and see the situation from his point of view. Although this does not justify the unpleasantness of his behavior, it makes you decide the situation with an open view and complete nobility.
4. Evaluate the relationship
Whether or not to continue the relationship depends on the severity and type of deception. If your partner has told a blatant lie to avoid upsetting you, forgive him, and if he has made an unforgivable mistake, talk to each other and decide whether or not to continue the relationship. Check whether or not the values of both of your hates are compatible and see if there is any hope to save the relationship.
5. Set a boundary
If you feel your values are realigning and decide to stay together and work things out, you need to set boundaries. Please discuss your expectations of him and explain the consequences of ignoring your boundaries.
6. Practice self-care
Make self-care a priority when going through this situation. Do the activities you enjoy, spend time with your loved ones, and talk to a therapist if needed to take care of your mental health.
Rebuilding the lost trust in the relationship
If you are going to continue the relationship and trust again, keep these solutions in the corner of your mind:
- Prioritize open and honest communication: express your feelings and listen to your partner’s point of view. Talk to each other about how to improve the situation without blaming.
- Give your romantic partner a chance: Give him a chance to apologize, make up for his mistakes, and let him regain your trust.
- Be patient: rebuilding lost trust takes time, and patience is essential. Recovery is gradual; you will need time to rebuild your confidence.
- Reconnect emotionally: Spend quality time together and do activities that bring you closer together.
- Forgive him: Forgiveness is the most essential principle of starting over. If you don’t forgive your romantic partner, you will constantly review his mistakes in your mind. Try to forgive him and give him a chance to make up for his mistake.
you say
In this article, we have said everything you need to know about cheating in a relationship. What do you think about this? Have you ever been cheated on in a relationship? Please share your valuable comments and experiences with us and our dear users.
