Despite the vital role of healthy sex in a successful and intimate married life, talking about sex is still difficult and embarrassing for many couples. If it is difficult for you to talk about sexual desire, sexual needs, favourite positions and any other issues related to sex with your partner, be sure to read this article and stay with us until the last line to tell you how to talk about these issues with your partner.
The best time to talk about sex
Most people are looking for the best opportunity and situation to talk about sex. They wait for days, months, and even years to find a chance to express their needs. Sometimes, this manipulation continues so much that after a while, the person no longer has the motivation to talk about sex and their unanswered needs. Of course, it’s never too late to talk about sex, even if you’ve been together for years! If these unsaid things bother you, talk calmly about your interests, needs and expectations.
Why talk to our spouse about sex?
Some people feel embarrassed, insecure and uncomfortable when talking about their private and sexual lives. Even though these talks are associated with the fear of rejection, judgment and anxiety for some others, the comfort of men and women in their married life and their emotional intimacy are directly affected by these talks.
1. It makes both parties comfortable
The unspoken words heaped on your heart and mind negatively affect your health. So, be very clear about sexual matters so that nothing remains unsaid in the corner of your mind. You can even talk about STDs, sexual history, and the like. The more precise these issues become, the more secure and peaceful you will be.
2. It strengthens emotional intimacy
Talking about sex will lead you to a deeper understanding and greater comfort with your partner. The greater the emotional intimacy between men and women, the greater their mutual trust.
3. It creates an opportunity to express desires
Sexual dialogue between couples is an opportunity to express their sexual desires, expectations and needs. This means that even if you have the wrong idea about your partner’s interests and expectations in bed, there will be no doubt left after the conversation.
4. demarcates
By talking about sex, men and women can shape the emotional and physical boundaries of the marital relationship according to their expectations. In this way, they will not be hurt or harmed later due to a misunderstanding of each other’s sexual needs.
What issues should we talk about?
Don’t wait for something weird to happen to talk about sex. Even the most minor issues that bother you are worth expressing, such as big and small changes in libido, new sexual fantasies, and the need for more intimacy.
1. Changes in libido
People’s sexual desire is not fixed; It increases and decreases and changes. Therefore, if you see that this tension in you or your partner has weakened, it is essential to discuss it. Various diseases, mental insecurities, stress and sexual disorders are all factors that affect sexual desire and have a significant effect on the quality of marital relationships.
2. Willingness to change or try new ideas
One of the most exciting parts of sex is discovering interests. Don’t be afraid to express your strange thoughts. Many times, the implementation of some of these peculiar ideas draws a hand on the dull and dead sexual relationship and gives life to the intimacy of the relationship again. Ask enthusiastically about your partner’s sexual fantasies and patiently fulfil them. Of course, talking about sexual fantasies does not mean that you have to fulfil your partner’s wishes without any reason, even if they make you uncomfortable! However, sharing your deepest thoughts with your partner without judgment or shame deepens marital connection in and out of the bedroom.
3. Lack of sexual intimacy
Talking about the lack of sexual intimacy should not be critical and uncomfortable. Look at it as if the survival of your relationship depends on talking about it, telling and hearing about the level of intimacy between men and women, loving and being loved, and the colour and smell of love in sex. Being careless about sex and ignoring it can quickly set the stage for more significant problems.
4. Sexual safety
Men and women have the right to set boundaries for their sexual relations and to talk freely about their boundaries. The slightest concern about unsafe sex should not be left unsaid. Pay attention to each other’s concerns, and if you see that your spouse cannot express his concerns, ask questions to find out about his concerns.
5. Inappropriate times for sex
Your partner is allowed to be reluctant or at least not interested in sex at times. You can agree by talking about these times together, for example, after an argument or when he has a cold and is not feeling well. Be sure that by talking and expressing this reluctance to have sex, you are doing yourself and your partner a big favour.
Essential tips for talking about sex with your wife
Because sex is a sensitive topic and talking about it, including needs and criticisms, is not acceptable for many people, it is essential to know how and with what techniques to express your expectations. In this section, we have put some reasonable solutions before you.
1. Criticize with appreciation
Gratitude is suitable for everyone. Take advantage of this fact and convey your criticism with the language of appreciation. For example, instead of directly saying to do such and such work more often, say, “You don’t know how much I enjoy doing such and such work, and I feel grateful.” This criticism in the language of thanks will surely please your wife and be more effective.
2. Write your comments
Another way to effectively communicate and express your needs is to write them down. If you don’t speak well, write well instead. Take a pen and paper and write down your expectations. Since the tone of the writing is unclear, make your criticism or request as straightforward as possible.
3. Don’t be ashamed to say no
You should say no to your partner’s irrational sexual desires and focus on your pleasure and satisfaction in the relationship. Sex between husband and wife should be free of pressure, guilt and coercion so that both can enjoy it. Express your desire clearly and directly, and if you are not ready for sex due to fatigue or any other factor, don’t be shy to say no.
4. Be sympathetic
Even if you and your partner have different sexual characteristics and interests, you should be able to discuss these differences empathetically. The most important thing is to open your mind to each other’s thoughts and needs. Communicate, understand each other’s concerns and desires, and respond kindly. Don’t forget that you are each other’s companions on the path of life.
5. Choose the best time
Hold off on talking about sex until you’re both in a good mood and not too tired to speak. If this conversation smells like an argument, it will create insecurity in the marital relationship. On the other hand, if it is done when both parties feel close to each other mentally and physically, it is more likely to end up with favourable results.
6. Choose a good location
Talk about sex outside the bedroom. Choosing a neutral place like the guest’s bedroom to discuss sensitive issues will help keep both parties calm. This place should preferably not be crowded and noisy so that you can more easily focus on what your spouse is saying.
7. Get used to this conversation
Talking about sex is not a one-time conversation. This discussion should be a constant part of marital relations because the needs and desires of both parties change over time.
Opening up about sex
1. Start slowly
The tone with which you start the conversation determines its direction. Have a smooth start. Harsh criticism not only doesn’t work, it puts the other person on the defensive. Avoid blaming and focus on saying things that will increase the satisfaction of your sex life.
2. Stay friendly
Affection and intimacy are as important as the sexual aspect of intercourse. Every sentence you say during the conversation should be in line with maintaining the intimacy and affection of the relationship.
3. Do not go to the sidelines
Talk openly about your expectations, fears, desires, and concerns, and express your innermost thoughts and feelings without fear. Stay focused, and don’t take the conversation to the sidelines.
last word
Talking about sex, no matter how difficult and problematic it is, is necessary to maintain a healthy marriage. People have different sexual expectations, desires and fantasies, and they are allowed to talk about them freely with their spouses. The results of this conversation are more intimacy, more robust communication and a healthier sex life for them.
How much has talking about sex helped your relationship? What do you talk about the most? We look forward to hearing your comments.
