What is love? Have you ever thought about the true meaning of love? How can this complex concept be described in words? Many philosophers and psychologists throughout history have tried to define love, and one of the most famous definitions was given by Sternberg. He explained the components and types of love in the book Love Triangle and made us more aware of love. Follow us in this article to learn about the love triangle theory.
What is Sternberg’s love triangle theory?
Love is a complex concept with different dimensions. Many researchers have tried to define it, but few have been able to express it correctly. Psychologist Robert Sternberg gave one of the best definitions of love in the late 1980s. For years, researchers have been investigating the validity of this theory with clinical studies, and one of the most recent studies conducted in 2021 confirmed the validity of Sternberg’s love triangle theory.
According to Sternberg’s love triangle theory, love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. In different human relationships, these three components are combined to create eight types of love. Some kinds of love are focused on the romantic or sexual relationship of two emotional partners, and other forms of love are seen in interpersonal and social relationships.
Next, we examine the components of love from Sternberg’s point of view. Of course, it is good to say before that a love triangle is not the same as a love triangle. In a love triangle, three people are involved in a polyamorous relationship, or two people compete for the love of a third person. The love triangle is a psychological theory that redefines the concept of types of love in human relationships.
1. Intimacy
Sternberg defines intimacy in love as a feeling of closeness, belonging, and bonding in emotional relationships. Intimacy is one feeling that keeps a romantic relationship warm and alive. The origin of this feeling is usually the emotional investment of two people.
Intimacy remains constant over time, but human consciousness fluctuates in this component; sometimes, people are aware of their intimacy with others, and sometimes, they do not know that their feelings are intimacy and closeness. People usually cannot identify the starting point of intimacy and become aware of it over time.
Intimacy does not play a significant role in short-term relationships, and its importance becomes clear in long-term relationships. This component of love creates different emotional and physiological responses to each other.
2. passion
Sternberg says passion is the stimuli that lead to love, physical attraction, sexual fulfillment, and other feelings of interest in romantic relationships. Passion is the source of a person’s arousal about another. This component is created when two people are emotionally involved in a romantic relationship.
Passion is usually not stable and changes over time. People cannot control it, but they understand it well.
Passion plays a prominent role in short-term and long-term relationships; its intensity gradually decreases because our body cannot always be in this psychological and physiological state and maintain it in the long term.
3. Decision and commitment
To define the third component, Sternberg says that in the short term, a person decides to love another person and commits to maintaining that love in the long term.
Commitment includes various cognitive elements involved in human decisions in long-term emotional relationships. Like intimacy, this component remains constant over time, but the parties’ awareness of it fluctuates.
Unlike passion, we can control decision-making and commitment. Decision-making and commitment play a minimal role in short-term relationships but play a vital role in long-term emotional relationships because it is almost impossible to continue the relationship without the dedication and desire of both parties in long-term relationships.
types of love
According to the love triangle theory, three components of love interact, and their combination creates eight types of love experiences that have differences. The types of love are different in every relationship and may change during a romantic relationship. For example, maybe the emotional relationship starts with passionate love, turns into romantic love over time, and finally reaches the state of companionate love.
1. lovelessness
Sternberg introduces the first type of love in the book Triangle of Love as lovelessness when none of the three components of love are present in a relationship. He says lovelessness can be seen in occasional interactions in everyday life.
These relationships are utterly devoid of love, and people do not have any feelings of interest and belonging to the other party, like everyday and work relationships that we experience based on obligation and social life.
2. friendship
The second type of love introduced by Sternberg is friendship and love. This love is formed when there is a component of intimacy in the relationship but no passion and commitment. According to the triangular love theory, friendship involves feelings of closeness, connection, and warmth with each other without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment.
We have experienced friendship since childhood. As we know, friendships have different degrees, and our intimacy with our friends is different. Still, according to this theory, if another component of love exists in a relationship, it is no longer called friendship. So, only friendships that lack passion and romantic commitment are called friendship.
3. infatuation
The third type of love is infatuation, when we feel passion in a relationship, but the components of intimacy, decision, and commitment are absent. This love is based on passion and physical attraction.
Sternberg puts love at first sight in this category and says that infatuation has specific physical symptoms; for example, when we see the other party, we experience heart palpitations and sexual arousal. This type of love happens quickly, and there is no opportunity to know and develop intimacy and commitment.
4. empty love
The fourth love in Sternberg’s love triangle is empty when the component of decision and commitment is present, but we do not experience intimacy and passion. This type of love can be seen in long-term relationships of couples who have lost their feelings for each other.
Sternberg points out an interesting phenomenon about empty love and says that people in Western societies consider empty love as the final stage of an emotional relationship. They think this love happens at the end of a long relationship, while in some other societies, empty love is the first stage of a long-term relationship. For example, in traditional and arranged marriages, couples enter into a relationship with a decision and commitment and gradually experience passion and intimacy.
5. romantic love
Another love that the love triangle introduces is romantic. This relationship has sincerity and passion, but the parties do not adhere to the components of decision and commitment. This type of love can be considered a kind of friendship in which passion and physical excitement also play a role.
Literary sources show romantic love between Romeo and Juliet. The couple had a deep sense of intimacy and was passionate but not committed.
Romantic love may be the first stage of a long emotional relationship. It means that two people who are close and passionate about each other enter into a romantic love relationship and decide to keep their love and remain committed to it.
6. companionship love
Sternberg calls the sixth type of love companionate love. He says that companionate love has components of intimacy and commitment, but the parties do not feel the passion. He describes companionate love as a long-term, committed friendship.
We see this type of love in couples who often have been married for a long time and no longer have physical and sexual passion for each other.
According to research, intense passion is the spark that starts many relationships, but this feeling is not permanent. The sense of passion often fades with time, and intimacy and commitment remain. At this stage, couples experience companionate love.
7. vain love
Sternberg introduces vain love as the seventh love. This relationship has passion, decision, and commitment, but the parties do not feel intimate.
According to Sternberg, love in vain grows too fast and fades too soon. We may have seen this love in those around us. For example, when two people meet, they get engaged a week later and celebrate their marriage the following month.
Building intimacy takes time, says Sternberg. Two people should spend considerable time together to get to know each other’s personalities and create intimacy. A vain love relationship lacks intimacy. Two people who are physically attracted to each other decide to commit. They will most likely fail since they do not have a sincere and deep relationship.
8. perfect love
Finally, Sternberg introduces perfect love. This love is ideal and occurs when all three components of love exist in a relationship.
People’s general perception of love is perfect love. When we think about love, we imagine ideal love in which two people simultaneously experience intimacy, passion, and commitment.
According to the love triangle theory, perfect love is not exclusive to couples’ emotional relationships. A clear example of perfect love can be seen in the love of parents with their children, a relationship we call unconditional love.
Why is Sternberg’s love triangle important?
Social relationships are an integral part of human life. We will perform better if we are aware of their nature and characteristics. You can measure the status of your relationship with the love triangle test, focus on your weaknesses and strengths, and talk about it with your romantic partner. By knowing the components of love, you can have stronger, healthier, and more stable relationships.
last word
Sternberg defines love in the love triangle theory. He says that love consists of the three components of intimacy, passion, and commitment, explaining the types of love. According to this theory, love is not limited to the emotional relationships of a couple; we can see different types of love in other social relationships as well. By knowing the kinds of love, we will become more aware of ourselves and have more productive relationships.
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